Hi friends!

How are you? I’m doing… better, I think. I started taking some D3 and B12 gummy vitamins and I think that is helping my mood. My cat is flopped over in my lap and I have a breakfast burrito from bbad on its way to my home. I tried them recently on a rec from a friend and it was nnot bbad! 😜 I like the crunchiness of the potato! If you missed my breakfast burrito rankings from a few weeks ago, you can check that out here.

My husband Ross and I recently booked flights for our trip to Berlin, Hamburg, and Amsterdam in September/October, and truly thank GOD, because I need a vacation!! I don’t think we’ve taken a real, week-long+ vacation since we went to Japan in December 2023. This time, we wanted to go somewhere that a) we haven’t been to b) in Europe but c) is not overtouristed at the moment (like Spain). Please hit reply and let me know if you have any good recs for those cities! We’re actually not the biggest history/WWII buffs, and are more about food, art, culture, and live experiences like music or sporting events. Really hoping we can catch a soccer (or “football”) game while we’re there, and of course, I’m planning on consuming my weight in sausages and beer. We’ll be there while Oktoberfest is happening… in Munich, about four hours away. I’m so glad we’re not going to Oktoberfest. I don’t love crowds, or the bro-iness of beer/binge-drinking culture.

One of my favorite things about taking a big trip like this is the planning and anticipation leading up to it. I get a lot of enjoyment out of researching things. Even just, like, hotels. For our Japan trip and 2018 France and Italy trip, I made these long itineraries with info on everything from our restaurant reservations and ticketed events to weather to common phrases in local languages to local food and drink specialities to try. I don’t know if I’ll have time to do that this time, but I’m going to try!

I also recently got my hair cut and highlighted, which I hadn’t done since November of last year. Please, never let me go that long again without getting my hair done. Stage an intervention. I basically got a fuck ass bob, but I love it. My hair was soo long and it grows so quickly, I wanted to get it off my shoulders and give it some room to grow. I also lightened it up quite a bit. I’m debating whether or not to bleach it and go platinum again, and this was a nice middle ground.

Today’s newsletter is a bit long because I armchair couples’ therapist all of the couples on The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two. It was a wild ride! But before I do that, let’s get into a couple things:

- Can someone explain to me why everyone is suddenly obsessed with protein right now? To the extent that I am constantly seeing new products that put protein in things protein has never needed to be in before, like popcorn and coffee? Truly, what the fuck is up.

- Kesha, Period. Lately, I’ve been listening a lot to the new Kesha album. It’s definitely a return to fun pop music after her incredibly dark but artfully executed Gag Order, which I LOVEDDD, especially the music videos, though at times it was a hard listen. That said, I’m happy to see her in a more joyful place. It kind of made me emotional, actually. She’s been through so much, and if she can get through all of that and still create fun and original pop music, maybe we’ll all be able to get through… whatever this time period is. “Joyride,” “Yippee-Ki-Yay,” and “Boy Crazy” are probably my favorite tracks so far (but be warned, those last two videos linked are NSFW due to partial nudity–lots of butts). It’s also a pretty quick listen–only 38 minutes long.

- In other music news, I was sorry to hear that singer Connie Francis passed recently, and even sorrier when I read her NPR obit, which seemed to focus disproportionately on the tragedies she suffered in her life. What the fuck was that? I really didn’t care for that at all. I get that her career was cut short, but then focus more on the early years, idk. She was also married four times, which I find fascinating. Who besides Jennifer Lopez is doing it like that these days?

I went through a big Connie Francis phase one summer when I was still living in Brooklyn and she was featured on the Mad Men soundtrack. My favorite song of hers is the twangy “My Heart Has a Mind Of Its Own”—the harmonies on that are just insane. I also love “Who’s Sorry Now?” and “Among My Souvenirs.” I guess I just like her sad songs. If you want to dig into the bummer summer vibes, listen to some Connie Francis, preferably on vinyl. She’ll never let you down.♥️

- Cooking. One of my favorite things about summer is SUMMER PRODUCE! Every year I yearn for the tomatoes and corn of my youth, growing up in rural New Jersey near half a dozen farms. California has pretty dang good produce, but there’s nothing like a farm fresh NJ tomato.

Every summer, I like to make my patented summer stone fruit salad, which is literally so easy. I just cut up a couple peaches, nectarines, and plums with about an inch dice, throw them in a tupperware container together, and shake it so they mix together. That’s it! Cherries would be a great addition, too, but I find de-pitting them too tedious.

I also made a more sweet/savory summer fruit salad of sliced peaches, heirloom tomatoes, fresh basil, and feta, tossed with lime juice, olive oil, and lots of salt and pepper. I couldn’t stop eating it! I also think fresh mozzarella could have been a nice sub for the feta, or balsamic or red wine vinegar instead of lime juice.

(Someone I know who lives in California recently said, “I don’t really know what specifically is summer produce,” because we have access to a lot of things year-round. To be honest, I mostly only know from years of playing farming sims like Stardew Valley. If you want to get better at identifying seasonal crops, which fish are freshwater vs. salt water fish, and, in some cases, the warning signs of alcoholism, definitely check out Stardew Valley!! It got me through Covid lockdown!)

What’s Wrong with Everyone on The Ultimatum: Queer Love Season Two

In case you’re not a reality TV fan, The Ultimatum is a Netflix dating reality show/horrific social experiment that goes something like this:

1) couples enter, with one person issuing an ultimatum to their partner: get engaged by the end of this process or we break up

2) the original couples split up and find new partners to live with in furnished apartments from among the other participants in “trial marriages” that last three weeks

3) at the end of the three weeks, those trial marriages end, and people return to their original partners for another set of trial marriages that also last three weeks

4) at the finale, each person must choose to either get engaged to their original partner, leave with their new partner, or leave alone.

As you can imagine, it’s basically a machine that pumps out piping hot drama, and honey, I’m here for it!! They’ve done three “straight” seasons, but I find the Queer Love spin-off starring only AFAB people much more interesting, since a) there are way more possibilities for new couplings and b) these bitches love to talk about their feelings. And boy, do they have feelings! Horny feelings, hurt feelings, betrayed feelings, and yes, even some real love feelings.

I’m going to tell you what’s wrong with every couple on this season. SPOILERS ahead, obviously, so watch the season first before diving in if you have any interest in it at all. Or just watch the hilarious recap on Trixie and Katya’s I Like To Watch. I’m going to list out the original couples, but we’ll talk about everything:

- Britney (ultimatum giver) and AJ (ultimatum receiver). These two had it way too easy. I was skeptical at the beginning of the season, because AJ seemed to enjoy being “single” and dating everyone a little too much. Show some restraint, you know what I mean? I also think that not feeling established enough in your career is a stupid reason to not get engaged. Sorry!!! I get why people feel that way, I just think that they’re wrong. Anyway, it was obvious that these two were leaving together when they kept sneaking off to be with each other during their first “trial marriages.” AJ’s proposal was really lovely, and I hope they’re very happy together.

What’s wrong with AJ: Her mom is creepy and has no sexual boundaries with her own child. What do you mean she asks your partners if they make you c*m??? Ma’am!!!

What’s wrong with Britney: It turns out that her “business” that was the object of so much hand-wringing and such is an MLM. Byee!!

- Ashley (ultimatum giver) and Marita (ultimatum receiver). Oh lord. I have to say, during the first dates, when Marita said she wasn’t getting enough romance from Ashley, and that she had written a 98-page novella about her and Ashley’s love, I was POSITIVE she would be the drama this season and that she was the problem in the relationship. But actually, she did not deliver on either. Marita was defaulted to a trial marriage with Britney, and even so, every minute gesture of kindness toward Marita was so deeply appreciated that it became clear Ashley must have been doing absolutely nothing. I mean, NOTHING. How hard is it to pick up some goddamn flowers once in a while? (My husband is actually against giving flowers because he feels they’re too low-effort, lol.) Marita would’ve lost her mind over some gas station roses! Carnations, even, I bet! It also came out in the reunion that they’d both cheated on each other multiple times, so it was definitely time to put this relationship out of its misery. Breaking up was the right way to go.

What’s wrong with Ashley: She can’t be bothered to Google “romantic gestures” and follow the wikiHow steps. Also, the cheating.

What’s wrong with Marita: The cheating. So much cheating on both sides! Oy!

- Kyle (ultimatum giver) and Bridget (ultimatum receiver). These two were so boring, aside from Bridget’s outfits (gotta respect a semi-masc hipster style!). They were another pair who it was clear were leaving with each other. The only slight drama came during Kyle’s trial marriage when her new partner, Pilar, kissed her, possibly non-consensually?? Kyle had said that Pilar was trying to kiss her earlier that night and she said she didn’t want to do that, and then Pilar kissed her again, which seems not great to me, but everyone seems to have moved past that incident together, so I’m not sure. It wasn’t on camera, so I guess we’ll never really know. Either way, Kyle and Bridget left engaged, after a super boring, monotone-voiced proposal. Actually, sorry, that was kind of mean. I’m happy they’re happy! But I don’t watch this show for happy and healthy couples. I watch it for mess. Luckily, the next three couples had that in spades.

What’s wrong with Kyle: She doesn’t tell her partner where she’s going when she leaves the house? WTF? That’s something you learn to do on like, day 1 of living with a partner! Wild that she made it to age 30 without learning that!

What’s wrong with Bridget: She removed her jacket during the proposal scene because it was too hot, but that jacket really made the outfit! (I have nothing bad to say about Bridget.)

- Haley (ultimatum giver) and Pilar (ultimatum receiver). Haley and Pilar have been together for 10 years, although Pilar only came out to her family two years ago. Sadly, they stopped speaking to her after that (which, yeah, is exactly why she waited so long). As someone who’s currently in a 16-year relationship (yeehaw!), imagining going half of that time without my family knowing about Ross is just… unfathomable. The bullshit that LGBTQIA+ people have to deal with from their families is truly on another level. People suck.

Anyway, despite Pilar’s shitty family, the drama didn’t come from Pilar. It came from Haley, who FELL IN LOVE with her trial marriage partner, Magan (pronounced MAY-gehn). They had sex and said “I love you” to each other on camera and everything! Sadly, the second Magan got back together with her original partner, Dayna (pronounced Dana), she flipped a switch and suddenly was like, “I was never in love with you.” OKAY. SURE. Somehow, Pilar was able to work through it with Haley and they came out stronger on the other side, left engaged, and are currently planning an elopement. That makes total sense for a couple that have been together for 10 years, minus the fact that one of them was able to fall in love with someone else in three weeks. That would uh, give me pause.

What’s wrong with Pilar: She kissed Kyle when Kyle had previously expressed she didn’t want to do that. Not cool.

What’s wrong with Haley: Um, she basically had a full-fledged affair?? At a minimum, she and Pilar should have set stronger boundaries for their trial marriages.

- Marie (ultimatum giver) and Mel (ultimatum receiver). Woof, these two. Food truck lesbians, am I right? (I’m joking, but is that a thing?) Mel was another one of those folks who I thought was having wayyy too much fun flirting and dating other people in the beginning, so it’s no surprise that she and her trial marriage partner, Dayna, crossed a line physically (although Dayna claimed it wasn’t “real sex,” meaning not oral or fingering, so like… what the hell were you doing together that caught you moaning like that on the audio, dude?) (But also, I think they were both straight-up lying about how far they went). 

Marie is an interesting person to me. She seems to hold so much anger inside of her. I remember feeling that way when I was in my twenties and felt trapped in a job I hated. It feels so long ago now that I had completely forgotten what it was like to feel that way until I saw her on this show. I hope she gets to a better place. She seemed extremely bitter at the reunion, but from my understanding, they had just seen the episodes for the first time a few days prior, so that’s understandable.

Meanwhile, Mel clearly fell in love with Dayna, who in my opinion, led her on. I really wonder what Dayna said to her behind closed doors. It definitely seemed like Mel was very much interested in continuing a relationship with Dayna, and Dayna was not shutting that down, but not committing either. The fact that they got matching tattoos… when I tell you that my jaw dropped! Do you guys think they were drunk? Or just horrible at decision-making?

Marie and Mel left engaged, but the engagement itself did not portend a happy ending. First of all, Mel said she spent the morning going back and forth on whether to propose or break up with Marie. If you’re going back and forth between those two options, the correct answer is NEVER to propose. Then, she proposed with a Ring Pop, which was just disrespectful in my opinion. Like, of all the moments in life to make jokes, asking someone to marry you is not it. She did eventually pull out a real ring, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. I’m glad they separated eventually.

What’s wrong with Marie: She needs an outlet for her anger so that she doesn’t turn it inward.

What’s wrong with Mel: She wasn’t honest with Marie from the beginning about how deep she got with Dayna.

- Dayna (ultimatum giver) and Magan (ultimatum receiver). They’re both chaotic and delusional, quite frankly. Magan fell in love with someone else, and Dayna fucked someone else. Then they reunited and like a black hole, their dysfunctional relationship just sucked them back in again, until they were in complete denial that they’d had feelings for or physical connections with other people. It was pretty shitty to those other people, and to their partners, who were collateral damage. But Dayna and Magan are selfish, and don’t care about other people’s feelings. They left engaged, and we all know these two are just going to barrel ahead with their chaotic, messy relationship, destroying everything in their path. It’s a real shame when you see two people who fight all the time get engaged and act like they have this fairytale love story. But it happens every day.🤷

What’s wrong with Dayna: She’s in denial.

What’s wrong with Magan: She’s also in denial. Maybe they’re actually meant for each other?

Woof! Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I definitely enjoyed judging all those relationships from the outside with limited information! Truly, who the fuck am I? Nobody! Like beloved heterosexual host JoAnna Garcia Swisher, I’m just an old married lady who loves love.

For more mess, check out last year’s What’s Wrong with Everyone on Summer House, or my breakdown of the couples on season one of The Ultimatum: Queer Love.

If you have a second, I’d love it if you’d like or comment on this post–just click this link to go to the post page. This post is public, so feel free to share it on social media, or forward it to a friend.

Until next time—send me your recs for Berlin, Hamburg, and Amsterdam!

Love,

Liz

XOXO