Ranking my favorite breakfast burritos in L.A. 🌯

Hello my darlings!

How are you? I hope you’re hanging in there. This timeline continues to be the scariest and the worst. Take care of yourselves and stay safe! I truly don’t even know what to say about the current state of the world and my country’s stupid, war and hate-mongering government. Sometimes I’ll be with friends and we’ll mention something horrible that is happening and then we all just sit there staring at the ground like, “Yeah… it’s pretty bad.” It’s a real conversation killer! So now I take action and feel bad about everything on my own time, and try to stay positive with friends.

In other news: I’m tired! (Hi, Tired! I’m Dad!) From the 5th to the 16th, I was ping-ponging around the New York City area visiting family and friends, and then, a little over a day after I returned to L.A., I drove on down to Anaheim to attend VidCon for the very first time, for work. I finally returned to L.A. in the evening of the 20th and honey, my social battery is duh-rained!! I don’t need a vacation, I need a staycation! I’m thrilled to finally be home with my husband Ross and my cat Zadie for the foreseeable future!!

Here are a few things that happened in New York:

- Ross and I got in late and decided to go to the 24 hour bodega down the street from our hotel for bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, and while we were waiting for them to be made, a guy came in and ORDERED A FUCKING SALAD AT TWO IN THE MORNING. I was appalled!! He was fully engaged at that salad bar, picking out ingredients and shit! I don’t care what your schedule is like, two in the morning is not the time for healthy eating! I had way more respect for the grizzled night shift construction guys who came in and got a pack of smokes and a candy bar. Jeez.

- Murray’s lets you toast their bagels now?!?!?!?! I remember once (only once) back in the day I asked for my bagel to be toasted and all the workers in the store yelled at me in unison, “NO TOASTING!” Their whole thing was that their bagels are always too fresh to be toasted. Now they ask you at checkout if you want it toasted or not?! How the times they are a-changin’!

- Ross and I got to hang out with our sweet niece and nephew on Long Island who are kind of obsessed with us, even though they only see us like once a year, which is pretty much an eternity for a kid. They’re going to come to Disneyland later this summer and I’m so freakin’ excited to buy them mouse ears. Anyway, one time Ross called his mom “Mom” and our five year-old niece said, “I didn’t know you had a mom!” Then she asked me if my mother-in-law was my mom, too, and I said no, and then she asked to see a picture of my mom. I showed her one, and told her my mom lives in New Jersey, and then she kept asking, “But when is she coming back?” See, she understands that Ross and I live in California, but in her mind, we always come back to Long Island, so everyone else does, too. It was very cute. Also, impossible to clarify.

- Oh, right, I almost forgot to mention that while we were in NYC, the door handle on our front door broke off?? Lol. Our cat sitter was like, “Um… Zadie’s doing great, but…” Then when we called maintenance, they came out just to say, “Oh, we have to order the parts,” like we’re talking about a 1969 Mustang convertible here and not a DOOR. It’s pretty fucking inconvenient, guys! We are making it werk because our deadbolt still locks, but this is not the first time we’ve gone away somewhere and the apartment where we’ve been living has decided to have problems. One time, when we were living in Brooklyn and visiting L.A. to decide if we wanted to live there, a giant hole opened up over our shower and rocks were falling out of it. Our friend was cat sitting and, again, was like, “Um… Zadie’s fine, but…” You can see photo evidence here, if you follow me on IG. Anyway, that definitely felt like a sign that NYC wanted us to get the fuck out.

- Okay, nobody freak out, but I have a confession to make. I went to ABC Cocina with some New York-based coworkers and we ordered their “spring pea guacamole,” which was in the NYT and I know is SO CONTROVERSIAL. But y’all… it was really tasty! I’m sorry! I’m not going to ever pretend like it’s authentic, or probably ever make it myself, but it did not taste bad!

- Ross and I went to see Oh, Mary!, a Broadway play about a drunk Mary Todd Lincoln who wants to be a cabaret star and her closeted president husband who’s desperately trying to stop her (and save the Union). It was so stupid and hilarious, I loved it!! And while I know everyone who’s played Mary has been incredible so far (and will be incredible–Jinkx Monsoon was just announced as taking on the role!), we were lucky enough to see the play with the original cast, including recent Tony Award winner Cole Escola! They were incredible! It was the one night Ross and I took for ourselves in the 10 days we were on the east coast, and I’m so glad we did.

It was also extremely weird to be on the opposite coast while the National Guard was being deployed to my home city to enforce these horrific ICE raids. We all understand that that’s what happened, yes? All the media seemed to be freaking out about “riots” destroying the city while all my friends were like, “I just went outside. It’s fine, Meghan.” I also hate how quick people are to label protests as riots, especially when the violence starts with the state. I’m not even talking about the violence of ripping people away from their families and homes where they’ve lived for decades, but literal physical violence toward protesters. So, the cops can beat the shit out of protesters but they’re supposed to act like Gandhi no matter what’s done to them? That’s a pretty impossible fucking standard, bro!

Also, I’m pretty sure I’m preaching to the choir here, but a reminder: protests can be peaceful and still disruptive. Being disruptive is kind of the point. Otherwise, we’re obeying the state so much that we’ll end up in the free speech protest cage from Arrested Development.

One of the crazier things that happened was that Nadya Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot was supposed to do a live performance called “Police State” at the MOCA, a modern art museum in downtown L.A., where she would basically live in a cell for three days, but it had to be postponed because the actual police were locking down the whole area around the museum to discourage protests. Just kind of proved how important and needed that art really was.

So today, I’m going to donate to CHIRLA (please join me!), and then, in a totally dumb celebration of this city that I love so much, I’m going to rank all my favorite breakfast burritos in Los Angeles, from the bottom to the top! Let’s start here:

Burritos That Are Often Touted As “The Best” But That I Find Lacking:

- Kumquat. This is a super fancy pour-over coffee place that people will line up down the block for in Highland Park. I’m not a nerd so I don’t go there for coffee, but I tried their burrito once and I just found it to be so dang dry!! Their whole thing with their breakfast burrito is it has garlic confit in it, but I didn’t even taste much of it and was really underwhelmed by the whole thing. Also, it’s $16, which is rude.

- Wake and Late. Call me a pig but I think their burritos are too small. I want to feel disgusting after finishing a breakfast burrito, not mildly satiated!

- Cafe Los Feliz. They put black beans in their breakfast burritos instead of potatoes, and they can right fuck off with that bullshit but to each their own!!

Honorable Mentions:

- BOLT. This is a coffee shop owned by a trainer my husband knows from CrossFit, which might make you think their food would be too light or macro-obsessed, but it’s actually not at all, just really good, hearty food. Their avocado toast is epic, but a close second is their breakfast burrito, which has chunky potatoes and salsa inside and can come with or without bacon, sausage, or turkey bacon. They have a location in East Hollywood which was near our first apartment in L.A. and have since expanded to a second location in Hermosa Beach.

- Jugos Azteca. This is a juice place in Highland Park that also has Mexican food, or a Mexican place that also has juices? Idk, but sometimes I get their breakfast burrito because it’s cheap and fast, and I can get it with carnitas, which is bomb dot com. It also has avocado, cheese, peppers and onions, and these chunky, kind of soft homestyle potatoes that I’m not sure how I feel about. Their tortas are pretty good, too.

- Dialog Cafe. When I worked at CollegeHumor/Dropout, this coffee shop was right across the street from our building, so I got many a breakfast burrito and a cold brew there on my way into the office. Their burritos have kielbasa and spicy ketchup, so they have a kick to them. This is only rated so low because I haven’t been there since I stopped working in WeHo in early 2020 and I can’t promise they still slap (but they probably do).

My Favorite Breakfast Burritos in L.A.:

7. Tu Madre. I find Tu Madre kind of polarizing in L.A. because they’ll “remix” Mexican food and do things like a sweet and sour chicken burrito with slaw in it, which is very controversial. That said, when I lived near Los Feliz, I used to be obsessed with their breakfast burrito, which has these deliciously creamy soft-scrambled eggs and truffle guac in it. Sometimes if I wanted to go really hard I’d get it with carne asada. But I know that truffle guac is not for everyone, much like pea guac.

6. Mando’s. This is a bit of a hole in the wall Mexican place in Highland Park that only accepts cash, but it’s well worth stopping by, especially if you prefer your breakfast burritos a little heavy on the potato side. I like their salsa, too. Just don’t come when school gets out, because it will be full of teens. 😱

5. Delia’s. This little Mexican spot in Highland Park is only open until 5pm, but they make a really good, affordable breakfast burrito. It has chunky roasted potatoes and a really nice salsa with a little spicy kick.

4. Tony’s Darts Away. Ross and I used to meet up with friends at this bar in Burbank to play board games, and they happen to have one of the best breakfast burritos in town. They also have an entirely vegan version, which is pretty goshdarn rare! Both versions are delicious. Points taken away only because it’s in Burbank and it seems to only be available for dine-in customers on weekends.

3. Bad-Ass Breakfast Burritos. I’m not totally sure what the deal is with BABB. I know they operate out of Dog Haus, a hot dog establishment, but I’m not sure if they’re separate businesses or what is going on there. Regardless, they make a tasty burrito! One thing I like about BABB is that they use tater tots, caramelized onions, white American cheese, and spicy mayo in their classic burritos, which is a dope combo with eggs and bacon. You can also order your eggs scrambled or sunny-side up in your burrito if you likes ‘em runny.

3. Russell’s. This diner in Pasadena is excellent, and in true California fashion, they make a mean breakfast burrito. I usually go for the veggie burrito, which is very non-traditional and basically like a veggie, avocado, and cheese omelette wrapped up in a tortilla, but if I’m feeling indulgent, I’ll go for the one with meat, which has both sausage and bacon in it. (Then I usually take a nap.) Another pro: both burritos come with a side of Russell’s hash browns, which are fantastic.

1. Cofax. Their bacon breakfast burrito is simple and classic, just scrambled eggs, cheese, tater tots, and bacon, but all the ratios of the ingredients are perfect. This is, in my opinion, the best breakfast burrito in L.A. My only gripe is their closest location is like 40 minutes away from me. 😭

So, there you have it! And now this newsletter has gotten sufficiently long, so I’m going to call it here.

If you have a second, I’d love it if you’d like or comment on this post–just click this link to go to the post page. This post is public, so feel free to share it on social media, or forward it to a friend.

Until next time—get yourself a breakfast burrito!

Love,

Liz

XOXO