The Ballad of Juror #67 🧑‍⚖️

Hi friends!

How are you?? I am doing pretty well, despite my country’s current government constantly embarrassing and enraging me. I wonder when they will figure out that California’s name is kind of feminist in origin, and then it will be renamed something like Patriotmerica or FreedomX or Big Red White and Blue Gun-Lovin’ Wang (although actually, I think that one might already be assigned to Florida). In the meantime, it’s been cold (40s/50s F) and rainy in Los Angeles, and I love when that happens, because it’s so rare. I get to wear long sleeves for once!

I had a migraine on Sunday, so I missed going over to our friend’s place to watch the Super Bowl, which is a shame, because I looove football food. Wings and nachos and pizza and beer, hell yeah! I also apparently missed Ye’s stupid commercial, which was a blessing. You guys know I do NOT fuck around with anti-semitism, but also, are we enabling this man by giving him the attention he so thoroughly craves, even in outrage? Are we feeding the troll here? I’m not so sure.

I had jury duty this week, which sucked. I had to schlep to downtown L.A. (“a place we all like and go to often”) two days in a row because they couldn’t be bothered to pick jurors the first day. The defendant was charged with domestic violence as well as having a gun illegally in his car. When I told my husband Ross it was a DV case, he said, “Well, you can’t be impartial.” He knows I am a raging feminist who as a default believes women and hates guns. The thing is, though, I didn’t really have a good excuse. They went around the room and asked all the potential jurors if they had experience with domestic violence, which I fortunately do not. I would say about a quarter of the other potential jurors did, which is really terrible. I felt awful that people had to publicly talk about such personal and traumatizing experiences with a room full of strangers. Even so, the judge was really pushing people to say they would be impartial. The thing is, even if you said you couldn’t be impartial, it wasn’t a get-out-of-jury-duty-free card, they said they’d just assign you to another case, and you’d have to go through the whole process again.

We were all questioned, but the lawyers focused mostly on the people sitting in the jury box, not in the “audience,” where I was, all the way in the back row. Luckily, I was juror #67 out of about 72, so I figured it was a real longshot of them picking me. The only thing I flagged when they questioned me was that I have friends who are lawyers, because I like to brag (it was also a question on the sheet they gave us). My approach was to be real quiet and not volunteer any opinions about anything. Also, I was wearing a mask, because the public is disgusting right now (everyone’s sick and coughing and hacking), but that also helped hide my facial expressions. I figured that if I was an unknown to the lawyers, they wouldn’t want me.

In case it’s not clear, I did NOT want to get picked. I’m covering for two coworkers out on PTO this week, and my boss has also been out sick, meaning I’m the only person holding down the strategy team. It would be massively inconvenient for me to sit on a jury. Some people were shooting their hands up and yapping away like they wanted to be there. I was telling my therapist about this the other day, and they said that some people get paid extra by their companies for doing jury duty, as like an incentive. I can’t imagine how much money I would have to get paid to want to go through that, tbh.

This is the second time I’ve sat through the questioning part of jury duty, and like last time, way back when I was living in Brooklyn, I found it incredibly depressing how little most people understand about the way “innocent until proven guilty” and “beyond a reasonable doubt” work. The judge asked us if we had to vote right then, how we would vote, and I was one of only a handful of people who raised their hands for “innocent.” But that was correct! We hadn’t heard any evidence, and you are presumed innocent until proven guilty! The fact that you have been charged with a crime cannot be held against you as evidence, nor can the decision not to testify. And here is my Libra justice boner coming out! I could never be a lawyer because I get too heated in arguments and the courts are so ugly and brown (I know they’re supposed to have gravitas, but can we jazz them up with some jewel tones at least??), but it is fun to pretend sometimes.

So, that’s been my week so far! Let’s get into some things:

- Apple Cider Vinegar (Netflix). This limited narrative series is based on the true story of Australian wellness scammer Belle Gibson, who lied about having terminal brain cancer and curing it through healthy eating. It is hard for me to think of a non-violent act more despicable than lying about having cancer… except maybe lying about curing it. If cancer is a triggering topic for you, you might want to skip this show, as in addition to Belle, it also follows several characters who do have cancer, including a child. If you’re up for it, though, I think it’s really great, and such an important story, especially in these dangerous times when people are distrusting science and medicine over the internet more than ever. Kaitlyn Dever from Booksmart plays Belle, and she’s fantastic at portraying all the horrible large and small ways Belle lies and manipulates the people around her. Alycia Debnam-Carey is also wonderful as Milla, a fictional wellness influencer attempting to cure her (real) cancer through juicing and coffee enemas. Definitely check it out if you like scammer stories, it feels like a sister show to Inventing Anna in many ways.

- Beverly Hills (live at Dynasty Typewriter). Last weekend Ross and I had the delight of going to see a staged reading of Beverly Hills, a fake soap opera that TVLine.com founder Michael Ausiello wrote when he was a wee 13 year-old closeted gay kid living in suburban New Jersey, nearly 40 years ago (and pre-90210). I cannot think of a better example of someone honoring their inner child creatively! The cast was spectacular, featuring Michael Urie, Yvette Nicole Brown, Gillian Jacobs, Rich Sommer, the guy who played Jimmy Barrett on Mad Men, and many more very talented actors I didn’t recognize but who were sooo funny. They’ve put up this show a couple times now, so if you can catch it, please do (maybe follow Michael Ausiello to find out when the next one is)! The episode arc we watched involved the Russian circus coming to town for some reason (flying into Beverly Hills Airport, of course). It was hilarious, endearing, and inspiring. I highly recommend this show! You can also buy the livestream of the show I saw here if you’d like, for $18.54.

- Eliza Dot Com. My fantastically clever, talented, and funny friend and pop culture writer Eliza C. Thompson (of BUST, Cosmopolitan, and Us Weekly) recently FINALLY launched her own email newsletter on beehiiv called Eliza Dot Com, perhaps my most eagerly anticipated email newsletter of all time!! Her first newsletter was all about the Grammys. If you like my newsletter but wish it were more focused and succinct and frankly just better, you will like Eliza’s! Go check it out!

- Speaking of newsletters, this recent issue of Sincerely, Celisia about the Republican-deluge-of-bad-things-related panic really helped me calm my tits a little. She quotes a recent episode of the Ezra Klein show that I found very helpful, but I didn’t want to listen to the whole podcast myself, because I can’t spend that amount of time focused on the president or I will have to go punch a pillow.

- Gossip Girl (Max). Ross and I have been watching this soapy teen drama about a bunch of Upper East side teenagers at a private high school, him as a rewatch, and me for the first time. So far it is delightfully 2007 both in music and in fashion. The first episode opens with Peter Bjorn and John’s “Young Folks,” and trust, you’ve never seen so many chunky waist belts in your life! There was also this thing around that time when young women’s dress options were largely business casual in a way that looking back, greatly aged us all. What was up with that? It’s like we all wanted to look cubicle ready at 19 years old. Very odd. Anyway, I’ve been enjoying the show, even though I am far more in the demographic of Rufus Humphrey at this age (would). I will say, I was spoiled from the beginning and already know who Gossip Girl is, and it doesn’t make a lick of sense so far. Will let you know how far I get in the series.

- Missing You (Netflix). I love a British crime drama, although I’ve had mixed experiences with Harlan Coben series (loved The Stranger, couldn’t finish Fool Me Once). Wait, I just looked him up, and Harlan Coben is American, born in Newark, NJ, like my parents! So why are all the adaptations of his books British? Huh. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, British mystery series are generally fantastic. Just seems odd. Anyway, Missing You is about a detective investigating a missing person case, who also sees her ex-fiancé who ghosted her 10 years ago mysteriously pop up on a new dating app. These shows are kind of comforting because they usually follow the same beats: the lead detective gets too close to the truth and gets suspended for crossing the line, they keep investigating during their suspension, they get cornered by the bad guy, etc. One thing I liked about Missing You is that there was a trans woman character whose storyline was 99% not about “the trauma of being trans.” Not that those stories aren’t valid or shouldn’t exist of course! I just have heard a lot of LGBTQ+ people calling for other stories to be told about them.

- I often think about how women didn’t get the right to vote until 1920 (I’m fun), which is absurdly late, because men had to be the ones to grant it to us, and they just didn’t see the fucking urgency. They didn’t see the need. How would us being able to vote benefit them? I know there are good men out there who care about other genders, but sometimes it really feels like I’m in a fog of bullshit and can’t actually see them doing anything.

So maybe, today, let’s do something for a group of people that doesn’t directly benefit us at all (because I believe helping others always indirectly benefits us). White people, do something for people of color. Cishet people, do something for the LGBTQ+ community. Adults, do something for children. Americans, do something for people in other countries. And so on and so forth. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all actively gave a shit about each other?

If you have a second, I’d love it if you’d like or comment on this post–just click this link to go to the post page. This post is public, so feel free to share it on social media, or forward it to a friend.

Until next time—sending love from California.

Love,

Liz

XOXO