Survey results 📊 & am I cursed?: a rant

Hi friends!

How are you? This email is the first one I’m sending through beehiiv, and I’m so glad you made it! I’m also so glad we all made it to February. I don’t know about you, but my January felt very busy, what with my trip to Brooklyn in the middle of it. I’m looking forward to Los Angeles warming up a bit in February, and at the end of it, I’ll be heading up to Portland for a dear friend’s baby shower. I always have a great time up there, and my friend is cool, so it’s going to be a very non-lame baby shower. I mean, right now the plan is to have it at a bar, which is pretty funny, since the guest of honor can’t drink.

As I sit down to write this, honestly? I am having a really bad day. It started out great–I had a Zoom meeting with a writer/director friend from my CollegeHumor days who gave me some awesome notes and ideas for Hey Hun, my dark comedy screenplay about a woman who gets sucked into an MLM. I left that call feeling really encouraged and hopeful about the future. I also had a job interview scheduled for the afternoon, and, honestly, I was excited about the opportunity. It felt like everything was turning around for me!

Well, let’s just say that that job turned out to have a massive number of red flags. Never in my life have I stopped a job interview in the middle to withdraw my application, but honey, I sure came close today!! WOW! I think it would be unprofessional and slightly icky to go into any more detail right now, but maybe I’ll write about it in the future. (I just think it would be like being one of those dating bloggers who exploits first dates for material. When the other person is coming into the situation with the intention to form an actual connection, it’s kind of a dick move to immediately mine them for content.)

Anyway, now I’m feeling incredibly discouraged, and like I actually might never work in this town again?? I don’t recall any bigwig producers saying that to me, but when it comes to life in Los Angeles, really, any number of people I’ve encountered in the last eight years could have put a curse on me. There was the terrible psychiatrist with the thick Russian accent I had to go to when I was on Medicaid who was super into astrology and kept asking when I was going to have my babies (um, never??). One time I had coffee with a past-life regression hypnotherapist who wanted me to copywrite her website in exchange for free past-life regression hypnotherapy (I sent her a quote in dollars and she never responded). And I once went to a weed doctor (back when medical marijuana was the only option here) who claimed he was a psychic and saw an old woman in the room with us. Maybe SHE hexed me?? Who can say?

And I am so. Fucking. Tired. Of employers asking for the world in their job posts, and then offering so little money. I can give you a clear example here, because I saw a job post today that made me absolutely furious. The Tennis Channel is hiring a Social Media Coordinator – freelance, of course, because why would they offer benefits when they could just… not? They want this person to post DAILY content across all SEVEN of their social media channels “including live match coverage from tournaments spanning over multiple time zones.” That is a lot in itself. Last year my coworker and I had to live post during the Producers’ Guild Awards for some reason, and even though there were templates for all the copy and images ahead of time, it still took two of us to post across four different platforms, and honestly, even that was a bit of a scramble. Live posting is no joke!

However, they ALSO want this person to WRITE all the copy, AND create and edit all the graphics AND videos for their social channels! They also want them to do community management and interact with fans. I’m sorry, that’s WILD. That’s like three different jobs! And I would say they should all pay at least $60-70k minimum, considering it’s a hybrid role based in Santa Monica.

So, guess what they want to pay this person? This person who, again, will have to pay for their own health insurance. $19.50/hr - $25/hr!! Just to put this into context, the minimum wage in Los Angeles is $16.90/hr as of this January. That is an entry level salary, but this is described as a “Mid-Senior level” role on the LinkedIn post! They want someone with a Bachelor’s degree and two to three years of experience. I just… who the FUCK do they think they are?! Interrobang to infinity, bro!

Alright, that’s enough ranting and raving for now. Let’s get into some things:

- Welcome to beehiiv! I sure hope this is the last platform move we have to make for a while! To future-proof the newsletter, its new permanent home is like-you-know-whatever.com. Feel free to bookmark that. You can also read the archives there if you’d like, or find info on my virtual tip jar! (Info on that is also at the very bottom of this email.)

I tried to keep the newsletter design relatively the same, but I was not able to match the original formatting exactly, so I apologize if that makes your eye twitch at first. Lest we forget, I once used to write this whole newsletter in Courier New because I thought it made me seem more screenwriter-ly, and now when I try to read those old emails, I want to rip my eyes out, Oedipus-style! So, sometimes change is a very good thing indeed.

Speaking of the history of this newsletter: did you know that as of this May, I will have been writing this newsletter in some form or another for 10 whole years?! We gotta do something special to commemorate this moment, I’m just not sure what yet. Would you all be interested in reading some old, olddd emails from the archives? They’re pretty entertaining, due to the fact that my 20s were a hot freakin’ mess. Also, I didn’t have public archives until I moved to Substack in 2022, so that allowed me to get very dishy and gossipy and snarky in those emails without the fear of someone finding them and getting mad at me later. Maybe “from the archives” will be a series. Head over to my beehiiv page to leave a comment on this post and let me know what you think, please!

- Survey results!! Thank you so much to everyone who filled out the 2024 Like You Know Whatever Survey. All in all, about 6% of you responded. I appreciate every single one of you who took the time to respond! Let’s get into it:

I, for one, am simply shocked that no one wanted these emails to be longer! 😉 JK, I know I’m a wordy bitch. I have been toying with the idea of sending shorter emails more often, but it seems like most of you are happy with the status quo. That’s good to hear!

This question allowed survey takers to select more than one option at a time. It looks like pop culture recs just barely edged out the intro part where I talk about my life as the most popular part of the newsletter, followed by random rants and raves! I guess I need to rant and rave more, eh?

It was not really surprising to hear that most of you prefer to read these newsletters as emails, but it was good information to have confirmed.

I wanted to see if there were any astrological trends among my readers. The Cancers have it! My sweet, full of feels, bummer summer friends! I’m a Libra, but I’m a Cancer rising, which is supposed to represent how you present yourself to others, so this kind of makes sense? The second most prevalent sign here is Aquarius, which is very cool! I just got done raving about you two weeks ago. I hope you are enjoying your season!

I asked for an example of a specific newsletter from the past year that you particularly enjoyed. Many of you pointed to the emails recapping my travel to Mexico and Japan, which I am happy to hear! I don’t know if an international trip is in the cards for me this year, but if it is, I will definitely write about it!

Here are some other lovely comments you left me in this survey:

“You are a goddamn joy, this is smart and approachable and meaningful writing.”

“It was so fun to see your trip to Japan and dream of going one day! I also just generally enjoy your approach to the world, so much so that I find myself reading about things (eyeshadow palettes) that I have never owned in my life, and probably never will :)”

“As I said, I love a good honest rant and I just enjoy hearing about your life. I work from home and recently moved and [felt] pretty isolated a lot of the time, so it’s fun to read your newsletters, like hearing a newsy email from a friend (even though I don’t know you).”

“More of your cute cat! :)”

“Thank you for the glowing review of Aquarius lol”

Y’all… 🥺🥺🥺 You are really the best subscribers a gal could ask for! Thank you for all the kind words and honest feedback!

- Cooking! I have a lot of recipes to catch you up on! Last week, I made these Greek-style lemon potatoes to go with some simple pan-seared salmon because they looked really intriguing to me. I followed that recipe to a T, and it was just a bit too much lemon for me, although my husband liked them. Personally, I remain unconvinced that lemon and potatoes is a good combination. My apologies to the Greek people on this one, y’all make some tasty food otherwise.

(Maybe I shouldn’t get into the habit of speaking to entire ethnicities as a whole. Hmm...)

Then, on a very cold and wet night, I made chili for dinner using this recipe, which I cut in half. It was really good! Instead of using the cayenne pepper, I added one jalapeno and three chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, chopped. It was still pretty mild in terms of heat level, but with a little kick and a lot of flavor. I also used black beans instead of red kidney beans, because I don’t much care for the latter. I served it with store-bought cornbread and toppings of shredded cheddar, Fritos, sour cream, more jalapenos, and green onions. It’s all about the toppings with chili, isn’t it? The next day we had chili dogs with mac and cheese, and I couldn’t get “Jack & Diane” out of my head for hours. That lyric, “sucking on a chili dog,” has always haunted me. It’s so visceral and disgusting. Shame on you, John Cougar Mellencamp!

I also made some frozen potato and cheese pierogies (Mrs. T’s), which I like to boil and then pan-fry with buttered onions like my Polish American mom does, yummm. I served them with this crispy roasted cabbage and cauliflower salad, which is my absolute favorite cold weather salad (it won #2 in my Best Recipes of the Year post for 2022). You have to turn your oven to 450 degrees F, and I simply cannot do that in warm weather, which over here is like eight months out of the year. I fantasize about having central air and a kitchen so large that turning on the oven won’t raise the temperature of the entire house (I also fantasize about having a house, but let’s not be absurd).

And then this week, I made this awesome steak salad with arugula, avocado, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and red onion, with a creamy balsamic dressing. I added blue cheese crumbles and candied pecan pieces for texture and crunch. I love a good steak salad, especially one made with peppery arugula. In my opinion, it should be an option on way more menus. When I really want to rock out with my salad c*ck out, I go to Tender Greens and get their Cobb salad but sub steak for the chicken. It is the most cholesterol-heavy salad ever and it’s divine. Sometimes I would get that for lunch when I worked at CollegeHumor and then try not to fall asleep for the rest of the afternoon. 

- Dave the Diver (Steam). I decided to give this game a shot because I read somewhere, I think in r/CozyGamers, that it was a relaxing RPG where you catch fish and run a sushi restaurant. It was recommended for people who like farming sims and other low-stakes RPGs, and as a longtime resident of Stardew Valley (or, technically, Pelican Town 🤓), it seemed right up my alley. I’ve gotten totally sucked in, although it’s not as relaxing as I expected. Running an up-and-coming sushi restaurant is hard work, y’all! And so is diving, when there are sharks and other large, predatory fish attacking you from time to time. That’s not even to get into the pirates, or the suspiciously violent environmentalist group who seems to have it out for you. I just want to chill and swim around and catch little fish, man, I don’t need all these puzzles and boss battles!

However, the biggest thing I dislike about the game is all the fat-shaming! Dave is a person of size, and at first, I thought that was awesome. He is a very skilled diver, an agile swimmer, and he can reach all the way to the bottom of the ocean. His body can do all of those things, and yet, the creators of this game just couldn’t help themselves from peppering in fat jokes at his expense every now and then. It’s so stupid! Like, let the man live! Why create a character just to have everyone shit all over his appearance? That’s such a weird choice to me. This game came out last summer, too, so it’s not like an “oh, this is so old” thing.

It hasn’t ruined my experience of the game completely–it’s still super fun, and I’m totally addicted to playing it. But man, that stuff is a bummer! If you’ve played the game, what do you think?

- As many of you longtime readers know, I love to travel but am an anxious flyer. Living across the country from both my and my husband’s families and having friends scattered all over the place means that I am constantly having to face my fear. I suppose I could just refuse to fly; some people do. But then I never would have gone to Paris or Tokyo or Venice, or seen 90% of my friends and family members get married, and all those memories are priceless to me.

Sometimes exposure helps, and sometimes it doesn’t. But the thing about having a fear of flying is that I’ve found over the years that when I tell people about it, they like to share stories of their most terrifying flight experiences with me. I think they’re trying to relate?? Like, “yes, flying can be scary, and let me tell you of a time I, too, was scared to fly.” But let me be perfectly clear: IT IS NOT HELPFUL!!!! Fucking stop it, you’re freaking me out!!

Perhaps some of the recent news stories about planes disintegrating in the air like so much wet tissue paper have you, too, feeling anxious about flying. Well, here are some coping methods I’ve developed to deal with my own fear of flying:

• Taking Klonopin, usually a little in the morning before I even leave for the airport so I can head off the anxiety before it starts, and then a little more just before boarding (I’ve tried Xanax, but it did nothing for me)

• Not drinking coffee or any caffeine on days when I fly
  

• Making sure I have back-up plans on back-up plans for entertainment during the flight: TV shows downloaded (I always need some Housewives), several hours’ worth of podcasts, books loaded up on my Kindle, and headphones with a jack
  

• My special pump-up playlist to try to turn anxiety into excitement about traveling
  

• Allowing myself to buy whatever trashy snack I want at the airport (Combos are a go-to)
  

• Knowing the statistics and that the car ride to the airport is the most dangerous part of any air travel
  

• Reminding myself that turbulence is only temporary and it has never taken down a commercial flight before

However hard flying is for me, I have to admit that it is probably harder for parents traveling with infants and toddlers. I was thinking about this recently because Julie Vick wrote this post on Threads:

I know I am childfree, and I know it’s popular for childfree people to hate on children existing at all in public life, but I have a shred of empathy, so that’s not my thing. I always thought the treat bag thing was dumb. No one needs to apologize for their child existing in a public space, okay? I don’t need to be bribed with candy or a Starbucks gift card to act like a human being around a crying baby, and if you do, maybe seek help. There are so many things adults do on planes that suck worse, frankly, that they can actually help, like manspread, or eat stinky food, or cough and hack and refuse to put on a mask. The last flight I was on, the woman next to me kept falling asleep on my shoulder, then when she finally woke up, she watched my screen for the rest of the flight instead of her own. It was fucking weird. A baby would never do that, probably. And if it did, it would be kind of cute.

Alright, that’s about it for this week!

Until next time—seriously, who cursed me???

Love,

Liz

XOXO