What is a woman? 🤔 & busted Bake Off [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friends!

How are you? I’m currently writing this with my cat in my lap, so I’m obviously doing great. (Well, honestly, I would like to get another cup of coffee, but I am cat-trapped.) Zadie is a fluffy long-haired tuxedo cat, and she always gets more cuddly when the weather gets cooler. It is still sunny and 70s during the day here in Los Angeles, but the temperature quickly drops into the low 60s and 50s at night and into the morning. It’s “bring a sweater” weather. Fall. I’ve started busting out the space heater in the morning, which is Zadie’s true love. Unrequited because they can only be together for a couple months a year in this climate. A real Romeo and Juliet story.

Zadie is going to be 12 years old at the end of the year. When we adopted her, the shelter gave her the same birthday as my dear friend Lauren–true Capricorn queens! I want to have a party next year for her cat mitzvah–although, of course, as a cat, she does not care for parties. She was supposedly a year old when we got her, and I feel like Zadie has become such a better cat as she’s gotten older. Not that she was ever a bad cat, but she’s become so sweet and cuddly and mellow. She used to hate being picked up and snuggled, but we started rewarding her with treats when she tolerated it for more than 30 seconds, and now she starts purring happily when we pick her up.

She’s also incredibly funny. Cats are supposed to be super graceful, but she trips over her own feet all the time. She also does this thing where she sleeps most of the day in one of our offices, then wakes up around six p.m. and comes out to where we’re hanging out in the living room meowing this scratchy, cranky meow like a disoriented old man who just woke up from a nap; “What time is it? Why are you guys hanging out without me? Is it dinner yet?” It cracks me up.

Last night I went to trivia with some friends at a local brewery. Their beers are pretty bad, but the trivia is good. I was driving, so I didn’t drink anyway. Our team was in the lead all night but then got smoked by the second to last round, on which we went double or nothing. We got ONE question wrong, and now I will never forget that the band a-ha is Norwegian. But we had a good time, and got Del Taco on the way home. Also, now that I think about it, the prizes you win at trivia are just gift certificates toward the brewery so you can buy more mediocre beers, so like, who even cares? I can never do trivia now without thinking about the first episode of The Rehearsal, though, and how much trivia night means to that guy. If you haven’t seen it, please go on Max right now and check out those perfect 44 minutes of television.

I can’t believe that it’s getting so close to our trip to Japan! It’s less than a month away now. We booked the flights so long ago, and now it’s around the corner. I guess that’s how time works, eh? We will be going to Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka, and I feel like I still have so many things I need to buy to prepare! Like pants! And good walking shoes! And a scarf and gloves, probably?? It’s going to be in the 40s and low 50s. It’s pretty rare, but I’m really hoping it snows while we’re there. Preferably, during the one night we splurged on a ryokan in Kyoto with an open-air in-room onsen. Imagine chilling in a hot tub while snow slowly drifts down beside you? Epic!!!

I am sorry to say that I have not kept up with my DuoLingo lessons in Japanese. I know you all are shocked that I am not fluent at this point. It just got too overwhelming, what with the three alphabets and all. Also, I wish language lessons started off with phrases that would actually be useful to travelers. Like “Where is the temple?” and “What is your second least expensive sake?” Instead, they teach you to say things like, “Mr. Tanaka is a nice teacher.” Who tf is Mr. Tanaka, and why are we talking about him?

Real quick, let’s go over the upcoming posting schedule for LYKW. I’m going to send one more regular newsletter next Friday, on 11/17 (it will have Thanksgiving recs!), and then I’m going to have to take a break due to travel. The next newsletter after that will go out on Friday, 12/22. I am going to pause billing for paid subscriptions in December so you won’t be charged, and any newsletters I send in December will be free and go out to everyone without any paywalls. I am already working on my year-end lists and can’t wait to have the definitive document on the bests and worsts of 2023 for you! Stay tuned!

Let’s get into some things:

- Great Jones is having a sale RIGHT NOW through 11/27! They’re a small, NYC-based, women-run company that makes beautiful, high quality cookware and bakeware. They are a little pricey and do not have sales often, so getting up to 50% off on their products is a real steal. I own three of their sheet pans and two cooling racks, which I bought during last year’s Black Friday sale. I know it sounds silly to wax rhapsodic about a sheet pan, but it is truly the best sheet pan I’ve ever used. It’s heavy and sturdy (no warping!) but also so easy to clean (dishwasher-safe!), and it comes in several aesthetically pleasing colors (or black, if you’re a bore). I’m dying to snap up one of their adorable casserole dishes, which are nearly half off right now. Lately, I’ve also been seriously considering if I need a second Dutch oven; their “Dutchess” is a quarter of the price of a Le Creuset right now, and it comes in pink! Can you even?? But alas, I’m still unemployed, so my budget for buying myself little presents is too small.

- Kayali Yum Pistachio Gelato Eau de Parfum ($27 - 138). I recently decided that I want to be one of those people who you hug that makes you go, “Wow, you smell good!” So, a few weeks ago, I ordered a bunch of Kayali perfume samples ($4 each) as a little inexpensive treat for myself. I threw in a sample for one of their newer releases from this year, Yum Pistachio Gelato, because a bunch of YouTubers I watch were raving about it, even though I didn’t think I’d like it at all. I tend to lean away from sweet scents toward more unisex ones, or so I thought.

Well, I’ve been wearing this perfume for the past week, and I’m completely obsessed! It smells sooooo good, y’all! Like the inside of an ice cream shop. Like whipped cream and marshmallow fluff and a hint of cotton candy. I know that all sounds sickly sweet, but somehow, it’s not overwhelming? I don’t know how to explain it. I feel like this would be a good Christmas/winter scent, because it makes you think of fluffy marshmallow clouds and piles of snow-like gelato. Anyway, this is really more of an endorsement of buying perfume samples to try before you buy, because you never really know how a scent is going to work with your body chemistry, you know?

- The Great British Baking Show, collection 11 on Netflix & series 14 on BBC. Y’all, I have to tell you, I think this is one of the funniest seasons of Bake Off I’ve ever watched. Everyone is so bad!! Have they run through all the talented baking Brits or something? Even the good ones like Tasha and Cristy keep eating shit! I mean, look at the stats, Paul has given what, two handshakes all season? Every fucking challenge it’s, “Oh dear, that’s not how it was meant to go” from no less than three people! I die laughing every week!

I actually quite like the new co-host, Allison, but what I like even more is mimicking her accent with my husband. “Bikers, BIKE!” What a fuckin’ serotonin boost this show is.

- Only Murders in the Building, season three (Hulu). I just finished the third season of this wonderful, intergenerational mystery comedy. I really liked it! Better than the second season, actually. I have to say, Meryl Streep’s character Loretta was a true highlight of this season for me, not just because Meryl is brilliant in everything, but because this character nailed a very specific and important New York City archetype. Carol Kane’s landlord character Lillian in The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is another great example of this type of person.

You don’t have to live in New York very long to encounter her: a colorful, eccentric, middle aged or older woman for whom “quirky” doesn’t even begin to cover it. She is always wearing at least one scarf and carrying at least three different bags. She has lived in the same cramped apartment for decades and will never move, and her home is impossibly cluttered. She either has an evil cat or a little dog with anxiety. Nobody knows where her money comes from. She is thrifty up to and including petty theft. She loves the arts and theatre and has a million gay friends. All the paintings in her apartment are from people she knew personally. She is liberal but politically incorrect. Is she even registered to vote? Who knows, but she definitely has strong opinions about the mayor. She yells at cab drivers because she knows the streets better than them. She is unhinged and she loves New York and we love her.

These women have lived in New York for so long that it’s altered their DNA. The city has a way of bending you to its will. It’s why New Yorkers will always justify paying so much for so little space; it doesn’t make sense to anyone outside of it, but the city changes your brain chemistry. These women I speak of have been warped and molded by the city itself, like sea glass weathered by salt water and sand. Except in their case, it’s from the screech of the subway and the wind whipping through the buildings in the winter, and instead of having their edges smoothed down, they’ve become an odd shape that only fits into the puzzle that is New York. It’s a blessing for them and a curse.

Oh, and Sonja Morgan from RHONY is another great example. Remember when she had a scratch on her Chanel bag and she filled it in with Sharpie? That kind of cheap resourcefulness is a hallmark of this type of woman. When Century 21 went bankrupt, you could hear their wails of grief across all five boroughs. Praise be the Lorettas, the Lillians, and the Sonjas of New York. 🩷

What is a woman?

In her recent newsletter, Ann Friedman linked to an Iowa Public Radio program she was a part of that asked the question, “What does it mean to be a woman?” I thought: wow, what a great question! As the world becomes more aware of the vast and beautiful array of different gender identities, some people seem to cling to their definitions. “What is a woman?” is a question hurled with malintent at liberals and trans rights activists by right wing bigots trying to catch them in a contradiction or throw them off their game.

My answer is, “Anyone who identifies as a woman, tf? Who cares?” but I know that’s not the best answer. In fact, there are probably a million ways to answer that question, and so many of them do not include the words “biological female.” (I swear a shudder just ran through my body even typing that out. No one has ever used that term for anything but evil.) Let’s get into some other definitions of a woman now:

A woman is someone haunted by the constant specter of wearing the wrong bra size.

A woman is a person who has been cat called by a man while wearing a stained t-shirt and leggings with holes in them.

A woman is someone who’s been at odds with their own body since adolescence.

A woman is a person who has fleeting but meaningful interactions with other women while waiting in line for the bathroom.

A woman always has to wait in line for the bathroom.

A woman is someone who is expected to love men, while living with the daily realities of male violence.

A woman is a person who society expects to shave their legs and armpits.

A woman is someone who’s spent too much time making sure their foundation matches their neck.

A woman is a consumer, not a creator.

A woman is a person who should never ask for money.

A woman is not a person at all, actually, not really.

A woman is more of a concept.

A woman must be feminine.

A woman must be maternal.

A woman must not age.

A woman must like sex, but not too much.

A woman must be beautiful but not know it.

A woman must be polite, or else she’s a bitch.

A woman must not be a bitch.

A woman is just a girl, really, isn’t she?

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That’s it for today! 

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Until next time—please laugh at Bake Off with me.

Love,LizXOXO