Useless farms & iron legends [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friends,

How… are you?

Yeah. Me too.

A warning up front here that I am going to talk about abortion in this newsletter. A lot! And from a pro-choice perspective. So if that’s not your jam today, feel free to scroll on down to the TV recs, skip this one, or come back to it when you feel ready.

Lately I have been starting to write these newsletters the weekend before they come out so I can peck away at them during the week but have most of the bulk of it written already. It probably takes me longer than you would expect to write these. I remember being on an email newsletter panel at BinderCon (RIP) with Ann Friedman years ago, and we were all asked how long it took us to write our newsletters. Ann said it took her about an hour to write hers, and there I was sitting there with my couple hundred followers to her 30,000 or whatever going, “Uh, yeah, it actually takes me about five to six hours to write mine.” That’s not consecutive, but still.

The point is, I am beginning to write this the weekend after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and I am still very much processing this news. We knew this was coming, so in a lot of ways, I’ve already worked through my emotions about it, but then out of nowhere it will suddenly hit me again: this is very, very, very bad.

Some of you may be like, “but this won’t really affect you.” It’s true that I live in California, which has well established the right to abortion. Our governor has also said that we will not cooperate with other states’ efforts to criminalize women seeking abortions here and those who aid them. It’s also true that I have enough savings to travel in order to procure abortion care, even internationally, if needed. Those things all give me some comfort, for now, at least.

That said… I still care about other people?? Call me crazy, but I don’t think a person’s decision to have sex or not should destroy their life. It’s fucking 2022, and I am an adult who can understand nuance. I was once a 16 year-old girl who desperately wanted to go to college to get out of her small town and have a chance at a bigger life. I could not have done that without birth control access. I am so lucky that I lived less than an hour away from a Planned Parenthood and could afford the pill at that time. My boyfriend drove me, and I was able to do it all without my parents’ approval or knowledge. I have now been on some form of birth control for almost 20 years, and abortion has always been my back-up plan. I am so, so grateful that I still have that option. It breaks my heart now to think of how far people will have to travel, and how expensive it will be, to seek care, if they can manage it at all.

And you know what, allow me to take some responsibility here. Personally, I did not vote for Biden in the 2020 primaries, but once he was the Dem candidate, I campaigned for him. I truly thought that it made a fucking difference. I don’t know, now. It honestly feels like abortion rights are a stick that they use to beat us with in order to whip the Democratic vote, and that the Dems in power don’t really care about protecting the low income people and people of color who will be affected by this ruling the most. I mean, I’m not about to switch over to the Republicans’ side (LOL), but I am NOT happy with the mainstream Dems at this moment either.

There is so much misinformation flying around, but I want to touch on one subject in particular: vasectomies. Wow, a lot of well-intentioned people really don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about there! I recently watched a TikTok where a woman put together a “care package” for her partner who was getting a vasectomy, and it had all these cutesy, punny joke items about him not having balls anymore. Like, girl, he’s not getting castrated! First of all, while vasectomies are a great option, they can fail, they can reverse themselves, and it’s often hard to find a doctor who will even perform one if you’re young or don’t already have children! Childfree people have been coming up against this for years. Besides, and I hate to bring this up, but even if your sole partner has a vasectomy that is 100% effective, rape exists and could happen to you at any time. Abortion access is just so necessary any way you slice it.

And a friendly reminder that that abortion access does not just impact (cis) women! Trans men and non-binary people also need abortion care!

I have also seen some pro-choice people get super judgey when someone sharing their abortion story mentions that they have had multiple abortions. This gets me heated. So you’re okay with abortion, but everyone only gets to have one? Don’t say you’re pro-choice if you’re still going to shame people for exercising that choice! You haven’t walked a mile in their shoes and you don’t know their story or the circumstances that put them there. Birth control fails all the damn time, although, I don’t even like to point that out, because it implies that a person has to be “doing everything right” in order to deserve abortion care. They don’t. They just need to not want to be pregnant anymore.

Mostly, I am scared, I am exhausted, I am giving myself a migraine reading Twitter. I am worried about how bad this is going to get, and how quickly it will happen. I know that the Republicans, and that fucker Clarence Thomas, are not going to stop here. I am looking at jobs in London, even though I like my current job, even though I love Los Angeles, even though the idea of packing up my apartment again makes me want to lie down and never stop barfing. I don’t want to abandon everyone here, but I think it would be irresponsible not to explore that option, at this stage. White supremacy is out here in these streets and they’re not even bothering to wear the hoods anymore.

I am alsooo… supposed to be “on vacation” when I send this! Like I said, I am writing it in advance. I will be flying out to New York for a friend’s many-times-delayed wedding (well, I think technically they’re calling it a “vow renewal” because they already legally got married). Then I will be bopping around the tri-state area for the next week, visiting my parents, my in-laws, and friends. My husband and I try to make at least one trip like this a year, and it is always overwhelming and hectic and not relaxing or restorative at all, but hopefully there will be some moments in there when I can chill. I know that I’m lucky that I can take the time off, and I’m lucky that I’ve already gotten to do some long weekendy trips this year. It’s just, my “vacation” where I play Uno with my parents in their kitchen in New Jersey does not feel equal to those of the people on Instagram who are drinking margaritas on Mexican beaches with their lovers. You know?

Okay, let’s get into some things:

- Abortion funds. I know that if you live in a state with abortion access, you may want to open your home to people who need to travel to obtain the procedure, but unless you have been trained by and are working with a well-established abortion fund, you should reconsider. This is something I was recently educated on myself. It is actually often preferable, more discrete, and more comfortable for the person getting the abortion to stay in a hotel. I know that we all want to help as much as we can, but there are people who have been doing this work for years and know how to do it as safely as possible. I guess what I’m saying is: this shit is very serious and the stakes are very real. If you don’t know what you’re doing, leave it to the professionals.

- Sterilization! Did you know that a lot of doctors will refuse to perform a vasectomy or tubal ligation for a whole lot of stupid fucking reasons? These include: A) being too young (young is subjective, of course) B) not being married C) being married but maybe your spouse will die and your next spouse will want kids (...seriously.) D) not having kids already and you could change your mind E) having kids already and you could change your mind about having more. The bullshit goes on and on. If you’re interested in one of these procedures but are worried about your doctor turning you away, here’s a list of childfree-friendly doctors in the US and internationally. (Note: the list is on the r/Childfree subreddit, which can be super toxic toward parents and children in a way that I don’t support at all, but they do have some valuable resources that are hard to find anywhere else.) I would also love to point out here that vasectomies are usually covered by insurance or only cost a nominal fee, like $100, while tubal ligations are not always covered and can cost up to $6000. 👀

- @Useless_farm on TikTok. I have been using TikTok a lot more often these days for work AND for fun, and one highlight has been watching videos from the Useless Farm. A woman in Ontario and her family run this small farm, and many of the animals on the farm seem to hate her and want her dead, to be quite frank. She has a perfectly named emu called Karen who attacks her just about every time they’re near each other, to the point that she’s recently been trying out wearing different wigs around Karen to see if it makes a difference (it doesn’t). It’s hilarious, and her dark, dry sense of humor really vibes with me. It’s a highlight of my before-bed TikTok scrolling for sure.

- Iron Chef: Quest for an Iron Legend. This Netflix show pits talented chef challengers against five different culinary heavyweights in one-on-one battles, until the final battle, when they go up against all five at once. It filled the hole in my heart for food television that was left after Top Chef ended (can we just say it? That winner was sooo predictable). I like this show a lot because all the chefs cooking on it come from very different backgrounds and styles. I will say that I didn’t care for the challenger in the first episode, who plates all his food inside toys. For real. Maybe if the dishes had some relationship to the plating, that would be cool and whimsical, but he literally just puts a taco inside a plastic dinosaur and calls it a day. Now I’ve finished the season and I need another food show, damnit! Any recs?

- Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip season 2. The first season of this “all-stars” edition of the Real Housewives multiverse was breezy and delightful, with drama used as a seasoning more than a main ingredient (sorry, I’m still thinking about food). The new season has higher stakes, because every woman on it has been fired from a Housewives series and knows that this is her chance to prove she’s still got what it takes. Moments that I’ve enjoyed so far: Jill Zarin’s cringeworthy recreation of her Scary Island entrance (IYKYK), watching Dorinda scream at Vicki for being an anti-vaxxer, the bizarre lasagna cook-off between Dorinda and Brandi (Dorinda had her staff make hers and Brandi was stoned and hers looked… interesting).

What I am really struggling with, in watching this show, is how much I enjoy Phaedra on it. I think that what Phaedra did to get fired from RHOA was awful and maybe even unforgivable (she spread a false rumor that one of her co-stars and her husband drugged and sexually assaulted people – !!!). Bravo certainly seemed to think so at the time, but then they brought her back for this show??? I just don’t know if five years of being off television is enough time served to make up for what a horrible thing that was to do to a castmate.

And all that said… look, there’s a reason that Phaedra was cast to begin with, right? She’s charismatic as hell and hilarious and is one of the most quotable housewives of all time. A part of me is glad that she’s back, but then another part of me is COMPLETELY icked out. If you’ve been watching, what do you think?

- I Love That for You. I’m a little late to this Vanessa Bayer and Molly Shannon-fronted Showtime series, but that just means that you can binge all eight episodes right now! The series follows Bayer as a new host on SVN, a home shopping network where Shannon has been a legendary host for decades. I love getting to explore this world! Who hasn’t been curious about the behind-the-scenes of HSN or QVC? And the performances are truly wonderful–Jenifer Lewis is terrifying and formidable, Matt Rogers is bitchy and hilarious, and Paul James is a love interest we can all get behind. I will mention that cancer is a major part of the plot, so if you’re not feeling that, maybe skip this one for now.

Okay folks, that’s all I’ve got for you this week!

Don’t forget to like, comment, and share this newsletter if you want–you can use the buttons at the bottom or the top.

Until next time—*primal scream*

Love,

Liz

XOXO