Hello my dear, dear friends,

So. How are you? Oh, my loves, I hope you’re taking care of yourselves. This week has been so, so hard. 

I’m going to talk about the election for a while, sort of process it out loud, but if you’re not feeling like diving into that today, feel free to skip ahead to part two. I’ll leave a link here for you:

Table of Contents

• Part One: Processing…

• Part Two: Not About the Election

Part One: Processing…

You could probably tell from my last newsletter that I was expecting Trump to win the U.S. presidential election, although I was hoping like hell he wouldn’t. It was pretty clear the Democrats were fumbling the bag, so to speak, from replacing the candidate mid-way through the race (a net positive, I think, but still messy), to catering to imaginary Liz Cheney fans (?!) over the very real, growing, more radical left’s demands (amongst which I count myself, lately). At times like these, I really don’t like the way people are so quick to blame minority groups like Latino men for the result over the Democratic Party itself. Like, sure, let’s look at all the groups that voted for Trump, but if we’re going to do that, let’s start with white men and white women, the biggest block.

Times like these also make me think about the suffer/worry chart. I spent so much time leading up to this election riddled with anxiety and worry, and what good did that do? The results were the same either way. Now I suffer twice:

At the end of the day, I voted Democrat because I wanted the fewest possible people to feel pain, and I still feel that way. But. It is hard not to contain my anger and wish for consequences for all the people who happily voted against their own interests. White women: will they ever learn? Again, I don’t want anyone to suffer, but maybe they could all be A Christmas Carol’d and be visited by three ghosts that show them the error of their ways or something?? I feel like that’s fair.

People in this country are stupid. That’s not a nice way of putting it. The nice way is to say they lack education, they’re uninformed or misinformed, they’re ignorant. I take issue with the education bit a little, though, because how many Republican politicians do we know who have spent their entire lives in the very best schools this nation has to offer, through the Ivy Leagues, and yet still don’t know the basics of the female reproductive system, like that you can pee with a tampon in? And how many of us know brilliant, empathetic, politically engaged people who never went to or finished college but could perfectly articulate what an ectopic pregnancy is and why unrestricted abortion care is crucial?

Speaking of stupid, I think the accelerationists are the dumbest fucks of all. They wanted Trump to win because they believed it would bring about “the revolution” sooner. I don’t know what about this country makes them think that people are ready for a revolution. We can’t even handle paper straws. The mental fortitude and willingness to band together to defeat a common enemy just ain’t there. You all remember how miserably this country failed at containing a pandemic, right? We’re not exactly in fighting shape to go up against the most powerful military force in the world.

I think of myself as a depressed optimist, someone who lives her life with radical hope in spite of a generalized anxiety disorder that constantly whispers worst case scenarios in her ears. I swear I’m not a Pollyanna or one of those toxic positivity people. I’m not going to deny the darkness and pain and grief of this moment. It’s just that I HAVE to believe things can get better, or I will not make it through.

Look, and I know, I have so much privilege that insulates me from harm in this country. I’m a white cishet married woman in a DINK household living in a blue city in a blue state. It remains to be seen how or if I will be impacted by these election results. I’ll tell ya one fucking thing, though, I’m replacing my copper IUD before the end of the year. They can rip it out of my cold dead body if they want me to become a broodmare. 

One thing I read about authoritarianism is that people start to cede their power before it’s even taken from them, out of fear. I get that instinct. I would be lying if I said I haven’t been wondering this week if perhaps I should be quieter on social media about my political leanings. What if the Trump administration starts to punish people for speaking out against them? Lord knows they’d love to do that. But then, no. We must hold onto our power and not shrink ourselves. I want to be an even unrulier woman.

I thank my lucky stars every day that I am married to one of the world’s few good men, who shares my values and trusts me so implicitly that he copied my mail-in ballot. I don’t think straight men ever think about what a horrible position it is to be a straight woman sometimes, to be attracted to your own oppressor. Like, yeah, obviously “not all men,” but probably most of them??!?!? Louis C.K. of all people used to have a joke about how a straight woman going on a date was like locking yourself in a cage with a tiger. I guess he would know, that piece of shit. I guess he was telling us who he was. Well, now the country has told us who it is, too, and we’d better believe it.

But I’ve gotten off track here. What I want to say is, in times of great darkness, at least we have each other. In the coming years, I look forward to investing in community. Look where individualism has gotten us. And even though the election might make us feel like our values are in the minority, that’s not necessarily true. I appreciated the perspective in this Threads post by Elizabeth Collins:

I’m still here with you. I’m not changing my values. I’m not going to stop trying to help people however I can. I’m going to cultivate hope, or at least, plant a tiny seed of it. After all, isn’t every flower planted in the fall an act of hope, that one day in the spring, we’ll watch it bloom together?

Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need a friend. ❤️

Part Two: Not About the Election

Two positive things that happened to me this week are: 1) We won our small claims court case against our old apartment management who were withholding our full deposit, and they paid up this week! And 2) I successfully negotiated for more money at work! Neither of these things come naturally to me. It is hard for me to stand up for myself, and god, is it hard to ask for more money. This is where it actually was helpful to have a white cishet man as a partner, because he was like, “Duh, of course you should negotiate,” and I thought, you know what, I should be thinking like him.

I also got a summons for jury duty in December. I know I’m supposed to be ready and willing to complete my civic duty and be a part of our judicial process, but I really could not be less enthused at the prospect. L.A. County is super annoying because even if you do complete jury duty, that only means they can’t summon you for a year. A LOUSY YEAR! Back when I lived in Brooklyn, I believe you were good for seven years. Why the stark difference? I don’t get it. Here’s hoping I don’t have to go in.

Lately, I’ve been finding a lot of comfort in playing Stardew Valley. They recently added a new bit where you fetch items for some raccoons and in exchange, they give you gifts. I can handle that. I can even handle serpents flying at me in the mines, as long as I bring enough cheese with me to refill my health bar. And if I pass out, that dork Harvey will just bandage me up. Even though there are characters with a few darker themes like alcoholism and PTSD, Stardew Valley is a very comforting place to be.

I didn’t drink on Election Night or the day after because I wanted to take the time to feel my feelings, although mostly I just felt numb. Then I went bar-hopping with friends on Saturday night to celebrate a buddy’s birthday and frankly, got drunk. His birthday parties are always epic and the one night a year I go really hard. I bought a pack of cigarettes (American Spirits in the yellow box), and then, when I pulled it out on the street, the birthday boy pulled out a matching box. Great (depressed) minds? I’m pretty sure it’s the first cigarette I’ve smoked all year. The next day I sure regretted it, but I was feeling hedonistic at the time.

Let’s get into a few things:

- Cooking. On Election Night, I made beef bourguignon, a French beef stew with bacon, two kinds of onions, and lots of red wine. It took hours, made the apartment smell amazing, and was delicious. So that was one bright spot. I served it with mashed potatoes and baguette:

Earlier in the week, I made chicken and dumplings. I was really craving cold weather comfort food, and that recipe definitely delivered. I think it’s like an easier version of chicken pot pie, because you don’t have to make a pie crust, you just make drop dumplings that cook in the gravy with everything. It’s also a one-pot meal, if you’re into those sort of things.

- The Substance (in theaters, on MUBI, for rent/buy on Prime Video). I am a horror fan, but I am not necessarily a body horror fan. I don’t love the goopy goriness of it all, the squelching and cracking noises. BUT. I was really intrigued by The Substance’s story, feminist themes, and Demi fucking Moore, so I decided to read the Wikipedia plot summary first, and then when I was still interested, I went to go see it. Let me just say… if you are easily grossed out but still want to see this movie, wait to watch it at home. I spent probably 25% of the movie either covering my eyes or my ears. The sound design is truly horrifying, especially in a theater. And yet.. I LOVED IT!! The campiness, the take on aging and how our culture treats women, the way writer/director Coralie Fargeat was able to make the most innocuous things revolting. I will never be able to eat peel ‘n eat shrimp again. Demi Moore was the best she’s ever been. I know there’s about a snowball’s chance in hell of a horror performance getting an Oscar nom, but I hope she at least gets buzz this year. Fantastic!

Alright, that’s about enough from me, dear friends. I hope you’re hanging in there. Big hugs to you and your families, of origin or choice.

If you have a second, I’d love it if you’d like or comment on this post–just click this link to go to the post page. This post is public, so feel free to share it on social media, or forward it to a friend.

Until next time—cultivate hope.

Love,

Liz

XOXO