Ranking every Barbie 💖 collab & cantaloupe pasta [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friends!

How are you doing? I’m doing pretty great! As I sit down to write this, I am in my apartment in Los Angeles, but when I send this out, I will be heading down to just outside of Joshua Tree National Park on a two-day self-imposed writing retreat. I’m sending this out early so that I can use my time in the desert to focus on finishing up my next screenplay. My office generously gave everyone off the entire 4th of July week, a much-needed break for me, as my last attempt at a staycation ended up being mostly travel and attending to family and friends’ needs. This time, I actually have nothing to do, which I always find to be an absolute blessing. Reason #425 why I don’t have kids: I take so much joy in my unstructured free time. I hope this email finds you taking joy in your life as well.

Overall, I had a pretty low-key Fourth of July weekend, for a few reasons: 1) I had a laser facial the Thursday before the 4th and had to stay out of the sun for a few days afterward, so no beach for me, 2) My neighborhood is out of control with the fireworks and Ross and I wanted to stay in and comfort our cat, and 3) After the slew of gross Supreme Court decisions last week, I was not feeling very patriotic (although, honestly, when am I ever?). I do love this country, but it’s the way you love a relative who won’t stop drinking and stealing from you and making poor decisions: love without illusions. Ross and I ate hot dogs and watched Rocky IV (Rocky vs. Drago), and that was about all the patriotism I could muster.

This is going to be a long newsletter because I decided to rank every Barbie brand collab that is currently on the market, and it’s quite a long list. But first, let’s get into some things:

- Cooking! I have a bunch of summery recipes for you! I know that this newsletter has become an unofficial Smitten Kitchen fan blog, but I swear that I only have one SK recipe to share with you this week. I made her zucchini butter pasta the other day and it was a great way to use up one of summer’s most ubiquitous vegetables. It was very rich (six tablespoons of butter 😱) but still somehow light-feeling since I decided to use angel hair pasta instead of spaghetti. That also cut the cooking time down by about five minutes, so it came together super quickly, even with me shredding the zucchini by hand. This is a great option for an “I don’t know what to make for dinner” summer dinner.

A lighter meal I made recently were these ground turkey lettuce wraps, which were incredibly flavorful and packed a ton of veggies into each bite. With the crisp, cool lettuce and zingy drizzling sauce, this was a perfect meal for a hot summer day. Some tweaks I made: left out the bean sprouts (couldn’t find them), cilantro (Ross hates it), rice wine vinegar (didn’t have any), dijon mustard (sounded gross), water (didn’t seem necessary) and garlic (totally forgot, not intentional hahaha). Added one diced red bell pepper for color & sweetness. And even with all those changes, they were still delicious! My only regret is that the only side I made to go with them was a salad, which felt like a bit of a hat on a hat, since the lettuce wraps were basically a salad already. I think these would be great with a cold sesame noodle or a side of rice or some other grain.

I also made a dish that is one of the most weirdly delicious things I’ve ever made: linguine with a cantaloupe and pancetta cream sauce from Emeril Lagasse. Yes, you read that correctly: the sauce is made out of cantaloupe! And it’s savory! Melon and prosciutto has long been a classic combination, so really, why not pancetta and cantaloupe? I know it sounds crazy, but the cantaloupe breaks down into an almost butternut squash-like consistency, and the final dish has that awesome sweet and salty thing going on bigtime. That recipe yield is on the smaller side, four appetizer portions, but after eating it, I get why: it’s an incredibly rich dish. The only thing I subbed was fresh oregano instead of the fresh marjoram, because my store didn’t have it, but it was still really tasty. I think fresh thyme or rosemary would also be great here. Otherwise, I wouldn’t skip or sub any of the ingredients, it’s such a simple recipe yet one walking a very delicate balance that every ingredient is needed to maintain.

- The Selling Sunset season six soundtrack. The great thing about the music on Selling Sunset is that it’s so predictable. The show only features two kinds of songs: high-energy “boss bitch” anthems that they play over shots of high heels walking up to modern mansions, and slower, “emotional” ballads they play while the cast members stare at each other in silence across a restaurant table to evoke some kind of thought or feeling. Either way, I’ve found they’re great music for my little walks around my neighborhood. I can only exercise to the poppiest of pop music, so this is perfect for me.

The Official Barbie x Collabs Rankings

If you are a human being who is engaged with pop culture at all, you may have noticed that the live-action Barbie movie is coming out in two weeks. Personally, I am SO excited. I adore Barbie, pink is my favorite color, and I have the utmost faith in Greta Gerwig’s vision. You also may have noticed that every brand in existence is collabing with Barbie right now on a special edition collection of pinkified products, from shoes to makeup to… electric toothbrushes?? Yes. Some of these collaborations are thrilling and creative melding of brands; others, straight-up cash grabs. Luckily, I took the time to link and rank them all for you below from worst to best, so you can save your money for only the highest quality Barbie products. I also shared which items from each collection, if any, I may be spending my hard-earned pennies on. Enjoy!

#18: Barbie The Movie™ x MOON Pink Collection ($92.98). MOON is a boutique oral hygiene company that partners with Kendall Jenner and claims to be “elevating the everyday oral care routine into an oral beauty experience.” I know: what a load of horse shit. In honor of the Barbie movie, they are selling a hot pink electric toothbrush with hot pink bubblegum-flavored toothpaste. I gotta be honest y’all, I am super tempted to buy that toothpaste. It’s a deep, sparkly pink shade, and it just seems like it would make brushing my teeth so fun! Or, should I say it would elevate my “oral beauty experience?” Damn. They got me.

#17: Barbie x Alex and Ani Jewelry ($19.97 - 65). Alex and Ani is an eco-conscious jeweler who apparently is not doing so well, since when I just Googled them, there was a breaking news story about how they’d shuttered 20 of their stores and their headquarters, leaving only seven locations open. Yikes! I feel a little guilty, then, saying that I find their Barbie collection overpriced and under-inspired. The one item I think is cute is the little Barbie pave nameplate necklace, but it’s fucking $60, so no, thanks. Plus, with the company in peril, I would worry about even receiving these items. Sorry to this man.

#16: Barbie™ The Movie x AQUA Collection ($55 - 118). AQUA is a women’s and girls’ clothing and accessories brand that is exclusive to Bloomingdale’s, I think? I just found out they exist because of this collab. This is the ultimate Barbie collection for boring people with too much money who don’t actually want anyone to know they’re wearing a Barbie collab item. There are some blazers, a few knit mini dresses, some overpriced costume jewelry, and some mini purses. SNOOOZE. I just think they could have done so much more here, design-wise. Also, charging $55 for a child’s t-shirt is just outrageous. You should be in jail.

#15: Barbie™ x boohoo USA ($8 - 66). Boohoo is a fast fashion brand that I believe originated in the UK but now ships worldwide. I will admit that I have unfortunately purchased a few items from them in the past, most of which are still with me (I try to make an effort to “slow down” any fast fashion I buy by wearing it until it falls apart). This collab has been praised in the press for being size-inclusive, but it only goes up to a 4XL, and that’s only on certain items. I don’t know about this collection, y’all. At first glance, it seems like it could have something for everyone: some loungewear, a few sporty things, lots of hoodies and t-shirts. But then I looked closer, and even the t-shirts were mostly made out of polyester. Plus, a lot of the design choices are sus; it looks like they just slapped “Barbie” on a bunch of pink shirts and called it a day. I will be skipping this collab, and I’m pretty happy to not have a reason to buy from this brand this time around.

#14: NYX Professional Makeup x Barbie The Movie Collection (items: $6 - 18, $90 for full PR box) (some items also available at Ulta). So, a few things: I love that the Barbie brand chose to collab with an affordable, vegan, and cruelty-free drugstore brand this time around, after prior collabs with PUR, ColourPop, and Glamlite. I believe that all those prior collabs are sold out now, so that makes NYX the only makeup brand that currently has a Barbie collection for sale, which is pretty powerful! I’m just bummed out that the products and the packaging don’t look very good! The other collabs were honestly pretty bangin’ in those departments. Maybe this just comes down to NYX being a massive brand with massive distribution and them being unable to be more creative with design without having to raise prices. I’m not sure, but I was very disappointed with this collection. There is a slim, and I mean slimmm chance that I might pick up one of the lip whips, but honestly, I will probably just skip the whole collection and play with the old stuff I snatched from the ColourPop and Glamlite collabs.

#13: Truly Beauty x Barbie Collection ($26.90 - $125). Truly Beauty makes vegan, “clean” body and skin care products. Some of the items in this collab include a pre-shave sugar scrub, some whipped body butter, and a mini purse. Why are there so many mini purses in these Barbie collabs? Every other collection has one! Is this the future, purses that can’t even fit my cell phone? Not a fan. But I digress. I have a ton of skincare products already, and none of these are speaking to me, so I’ll pass.

#12: Barbie x Kitsch (items: $8 - 22, $98 for full collection). I had never heard of Kitsch before this collab, but apparently they make hair products and accessories. Items in this collection include two satin pillowcases, one of those heatless hair curling snake thingies that are all the rage on TikTok, and a bunch of scrunchies and hair clips. To be frank, these products aren’t exactly blowing me away, but they are affordable compared to a lot of these other collabs, which is nice. I think the pillowcases are kind of cute, but they wouldn’t match anything in my bedroom, so alas, they are for someone else.

#11: Gap x Barbie Collection ($16.95 - 99.95). Gap has a few items in kids’ and women’s sizes (plus one doggie sweatshirt!) that are all firmly labeled “Gap Barbie,” so if you don’t like both Gap and Barbie, this collection is not for you. And that includes me. The one look that I don’t ever try to pull off is “preppy.” Why bother? It’s not for me. This collection doesn’t have a lot of items, most of them are for kids, and they appear to be selling out quickly. If I had to choose one item to buy, it would be this kids backpack in a shiny metallic fuchsia color – though, tragically, it would of course be too small for me.

#10: Barbie x Forever 21 ($7.99 - 64.99). Some more fast fashion, anyone? One thing I like about this collection is that it actually includes some dolls! How has it taken this long for me to see a damn doll in one of these Barbie collabs?! I mostly stopped shopping at Forever 21 when I turned Forever 30, out of pure internalized age shame. And, you know, the usual grievances against fast fashion. The only item in this collection that I’m tempted by is the glitter jelly block heels, which are in this neon lime green I’ve just been obsessed with lately. I’m sure they would be horribly uncomfortable, though. Right?

#9: Barbie™ x ALDO Collection ($28 - 140). ALDO makes shoes, handbags, and accessories, and honestly, I’m a big fan. I can’t buy from them too often since they’re not cheap, but I’ve found them to have very good quality stuff. Their collab with Barbie is proving to be pretty popular, since they’ve already sold out of a few items. Products in this line include several uncomfortable-looking heels, some jewelry, and, of course, some mini purses. I actually purchased and already received the Barbie earrings from this collection, and I have to say, they’re stunning. I can’t wait to wear them to the movie. That said, I’m not overly impressed with this collection overall. A lot of the shoes are made of clear plastic or vinyl which just looks sweaty and painful, or they have skinny stiletto heels, which are not my jam. But since I did end up purchasing something from this collab, I’m placing this in the middle of the pack.

#8: The Barbie by PacSun Collection ($16 - 69). PacSun is a California-inspired clothing company that pretty much just caters to teens and only runs in straight sizes, so that definitely limits who can wear these items. That said, I think their Barbie collection has some cute pieces: this tennis t-shirt, this crew neck sweatshirt, and this Malibu crop top. I totally, unironically love Malibu, it’s stunning out there, and I especially love the version of Malibu that Barbie created, which is fun and way more accessible than actual Malibu. Damn, do I need to buy this crop top? No. No, I don’t. (I also LOVE this “yee haw!” sweatshirt, but it’s only available in S at the time of writing this.) Definitely not the best Barbie clothing collab, but not the worst, either.

#7: Superga x Barbie™ The Movie Collection ($90 - 100) (some items also available at Bloomie’s). Superga is an Italian footwear company, and they created a few women’s sneaker designs in celebration of the Barbie movie. I’m not a big sneaker person – I pretty much just wear Converse and Vans, arch support be damned! So I will be passing on this collection. These are cute, though. I think the “B” print sneaker actually has a really smart, preppy design, and if I were a teenager today, I would be all about those huge pink platforms with the rainbow decal. Adorbs!!

#6: Barbie x FUNBOY Pool Float Collection ($14 - 185). FUNBOY pool floats have had a Barbie collab for over a year now, and they just released a few new items specifically inspired by the movie, like this “speed boat” float and this pink ship captain’s hat (omgiwantit… but not for $39). I think this is a pretty successful collab, if a bit pricey. I’m currently lusting after the Malibu Barbie beach towel and trying to convince myself that $59 is a totally reasonable price for a towel (so far, sanity prevails). The one thing I am baffled by is the “pink swan” float. Like… hello? Why not just make it a flamingo? Do I have to think of EVERYTHING?!

#5: Barbie™ x Ruggable Collection ($109 - 729). Ruggable makes flat rugs and doormats that you can machine wash. I know: how utterly thrilling. Their collab with Barbie has been around for a while, and I actually think it’s pretty cute and tasteful? I love the pink ombre rug, and I think the geometric black and white rug inspired by the original Barbie doll’s black and white swimsuit is really clever. When I started looking at this collab, I planned to shit all over it, because what the hell does Barbie have to do with washable rugs? But I actually think it’s a great creative collaboration that even people who are not Barbie fans would enjoy! Wow!

#4: Barbie™ x Unique Vintage Collection ($54 - 148). This is not the first Barbie collection that Unique Vintage has done, and I hope it won’t be the last. Although this vintage-inspired women’s fashion brand is not cheap, I’ve found it to be very high quality and have great sales. If you’re into vintage Barbie looks, this collection is for you. Unfortunately, most of the items are sold out. I love that they have a life size replica of the classic Barbie black and white swimsuit (available in plus sizes, too). I spent too long deliberating about buying this pink and white picnic dress and it sold out, so I’ll just be over here regretting all my life choices. 😭 I did end up buying a dress on sale to wear to the movie that I think is Barbie-esque, so if you can’t find something among these items, maybe do some browsing around the site just in case.

#3: Barbie x Cakeworthy ($6.95 - 69.95). Cakeworthy is a unisex clothing brand that collabs with different pop culture franchises to create fun fan apparel. The Barbie collection features pieces in sizes S - 4XL, so, not totally inclusive there on either end. I think there are some really fun items in here, like this Ken tank that says “not just arm candy,” and this sadly sold-out hot pink flannel that says “doll sold separately” on the back. Ugh, so stinkin’ cute!! I also love the Barbie box purse which is, again, tragically sold out. Finally, a non-mini purse in one of these collections! I could see myself picking up the all-over print t-shirt or maybe even the denim shorts?? Idk. I think I am getting some kind of Barbie brain fog after looking at all these collabs. I need to look at a color that isn’t pink and touch grass for a minute. At any rate, I think this is a cute, compact collection, I just wish it was a little more size-inclusive.

#2: Barbie x Canada Pooch ($20 - 50). Now your dog can dress like Barbie, too!! This charming dog clothing brand has Barbie items for pups with all different levels of clothing tolerance, from a bucket hat for the very patient to a bandana for the… less so. I do not have a dog, and my cat becomes paralyzed when forced to wear clothing (she will literally fall over and pretend her limbs don’t work), so I will be missing out on this collab. But if you have a pink-loving dog on your hands, you might want to check this out! Another pro: it’s dog size-inclusive, so both small and large dogs can be Barbie-fied! 😍

#1: Impala Rollerskates x Barbie Lightspeed Womens Inline Skates ($189.99). Now you, too, can own a pair of neon yellow and pink rollerblades just like Barbie and Ken wear in the Barbie movie! Do sparks fly out of them when they go fast, like the rollerblading Barbie doll’s I had when I was a kid? I would guess probably not. You can definitely get a pair of inline skates for cheaper, but they would be far less iconic. I’m hopeless on inline skates, so I will have to pass, but the fantasy of bladin’ around Venice Beach in these babies haunts me. That is why they are #1. Straight out of the movie to your… apartment’s parking lot. Or wherever you find yourself bladin’.

We did it! Woof. I think my blood would run pink right now, I’ve absorbed so much Barbie! And guess what? This list does not even include every single Barbie collab that’s currently for sale. Believe it or not, there are even more collabs that I did not include because I thought they were boring and not worth our time. Besides, you wouldn’t want this segment to be even longer, would you?

That’s certainly enough out of me this week!

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Until next time—think pink.

Love,LizXOXO