July blues 💙 & Tumblr surveys [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friendos!

How are you doing?? Oh, buddies, what a week. The hits just keep on coming. Some personal family health stuff happened that I won’t discuss out of respect for the person’s privacy (not my dad), but it scared the shit out of my husband and me. I can’t go into it, but I just need to acknowledge it first because the people we love being okay always comes first in the order of priorities in our lives.

What I CAN discuss is that just a few hours after I sent out last week’s newsletter, I was laid off from my job at Funny Or Die, the comedy production company where I’ve been working on the digital team since April 2022. Even though they gave me no warning, I can’t say it was a total surprise. In fact, I had literally been discussing the possibility ten minutes prior with my therapist. There were just a few clues I’d picked up on, plus it’s something that I’ve been wondering about since the writers’ strike started and FOD hasn’t been able to sell or move forward on any projects. All in all, about 25% of the company was either laid off or furloughed.

For those of you keeping score: yes! This means that I am two for two on being laid off from comedy digital media companies! If you’ll recall, in January of 2020, I and about 100 other employees were laid off from CollegeHumor, although that process happened over several months and was incredibly transparent. Layoffs are an unfortunate reality of being a part of the entertainment industry, particularly in the digital space, which has gone through a lot of changes in the past decade. With the WGA and SAG strikes in full force, right now is an especially weird time to be a part of this industry, especially in Los Angeles. It’s kind of hard to know where even would be a stable place to work right now. If you have any ideas, by all means, let a bitch know!!

So, I am once again looking for work. If you hear of any opportunities for a writer, editor, and content programmer with over 10 years of experience in comedy, women’s media, and streaming video, please reach out! I’m open to contract and freelance work, too. You can find my resume and LinkedIn and more work stuff on my website at lizgalvao.com. Also, I’m looking for fully remote positions on Pacific Time this time around–going into the office was cute for a while, but I’m over it. It’s too hard for me to focus when people are microwaving shrimp or talking about The Ultimatum: Queer Love six feet away from me (the latter because I end up joining in, obvs). 

One way that you can support me in the meantime is by considering buying a premium subscription to Like You Know Whatever. When you subscribe, you’ll get access to the full versions of all seven paid newsletters that I’ve sent out so far this year (including this one), in addition to the full archives, and a special downloadable personal essay about my most hated job. When you subscribe, you’re not just supporting me financially, you’re also helping me grow my writing and my platform. Plus, sometimes I put juicy stuff behind the paywall, like an honest review of Magic Mike Live or a story about that time CollegeHumor paid me to get high at work.

And if you’re a “lurker,” a/k/a someone who has not subscribed to LYKW emails, but regularly reads these posts through my links on Instagram or other social media platforms, even subscribing at the free level is helpful to my growth here on Substack.

Another thing that is super duper helpful, if you have a Substack of your own, is recommending Like You Know Whatever to your readers. Just go into your writer dashboard and click into the Recommendations tab, and you can add LYKW there. And then, of course, there is the whole referral system that I wrote about last week. One reader already earned themselves a comped subscription!

Thanks for considering!

Alright, let’s get into some things:

- Cooking! I made the most delicious pesto pasta with sausage and summer vegetables last Sunday, and it felt so good to get to cook with all that tasty seasonal produce. And unlike most Martha Stewart recipes I’ve encountered, it was so easy! Tweaks to that recipe I made: I used penne instead of gnocchi because gnocchi sounded too heavy for me (#justiceforpenne), I added four cloves of minced garlic and one chopped up eggplant to the veggies, I added a container of small fresh mozzarella balls at the end, and I used spicy sausage instead of sweet (personal preference). I can definitely see myself making this dish again and again. My husband and I fought over the leftovers at lunchtime the next day, and then they were all gone.

- Book of the Month Club. How have I never written about BOTM before? I’ve been a member since 2017! This monthly subscription box lets you select a book from five or six new, curated, beautiful hardcovers each month, and let me tell you, their curation is ON. POINT. I have rarely, rarely had a dud in the six years that I’ve been a subscriber. You can get your first book for only $5 (!) with my link here, which is 50% off their usual intro price, and then after that, it’s $15.99/month – which is STILL a bargain! Remember: brand new hardcovers! They offer a lot of the “It” books of the year, meaning contemporary and historical fiction, but they also always have a thriller as one of their monthly options. Plus, if you don’t like their choices, you can always skip that month or pause your subscription. I’m a big fan.

Alright babes, should we get into some Tumblr surveys? I found the silliest, most revealing, and most fascinating questions to answer for you today. Here we go:

When you wash your hands, do you use the cold or hot tap (faucet)?

I use both! Do people not do that?

If you had to be straight/gay for a day (whichever you’re currently not!), what celebrity would you most like to take on a date?

What a fantastic question. I think I would take Aubrey Plaza on a date. I’m not attracted to women, but I think she’s incredibly sexy. I’d love to get to know more about her, and I think we would have a good time.

What is the biggest injury you’ve ever sustained and how did you do it?

One time when I was a kid, I was playing in the street (perks of living on a dead-end cul-de-sac), giving my neighbor/friend’s little brother a piggyback ride, and I went to hike him up and ended up falling forward and digging my knees into the asphalt. Luckily, he just rolled off of me and wasn’t hurt, but my knees were gushing blood everywhere. Didn’t have to go to the hospital, but I still have scars.

What is the most unusual food you’ve ever eaten?

Ant larvae, at Quintonil in Mexico City. It was part of a dish that included corn and avocado and lots of lime and was actually delicious.

What is the most unique animal you’ve ever touched?

I once got to hold a pufferfish when we went on a snorkeling cruise in Cabo, on a different trip to Mexico. The guy running the cruise found it and was placing it in all our hands, and with his accent, it sounded like “pooferfish.”

What’s the most expensive gift you’ve ever bought for someone? How much did it cost and who was it for?

For Christmas 2021, I bought my husband the newest gen of Airpods. Those were about $200. I may have spent more on a wedding present at some point, but I don’t remember.

Which 3 countries would you LEAST like to live in and why?

Saudi Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan. Not great places for women’s rights.

If you could make just ONE change to this world, what would it be and why?

Just one?! I suppose I would stop and/or reverse global warming.

If you could wake up tomorrow and be fluent in 3 additional languages, which would you choose?

Spanish, Chinese, Japanese. The first two because I think they would be the most useful, and the third because I’m trying to learn Japanese right now for our trip to Japan in December.

Which would you rather out of these 3 options?

A: Be good looking and extremely intelligent but so poor you live on the streets.

B: Be extremely intelligent and a millionaire but what society classes as ugly.

Or C: Be good looking and a millionaire but extremely academically challenged? Why?

What a beautiful question. I would choose B, because I’ve never felt conventionally attractive anyway so it would honestly be a step up for me overall. Plus, when you’re a millionaire, everyone treats you like you’re gorgeous anyway.

What are the top 10 movies to make you cry? (Or at least make you sad!)

Um. ALL of them?? No, but really, 10 is a lot! How about my top five? Into the Spider-Verse. 8 ½. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’s a Wonderful Life. Silver Linings Playbook (I saw it at a very early, tender point in my mental health journey and it made me feel less alone).

What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? Describe it in detail.

Genuinely, that I was pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion.

Would you rather raise 25 children or have the chance of ever having children taken away? Why?

To be sterile would be a dream come true for me, honestly. I love how they have these two scenarios pitted against each other like they’re equally bad.

Would you rather go on a relaxing beach type holiday to the Caribbean, a cultural holiday to Japan or an adventure packed holiday to South Africa?

I would love to go on all three! But I’ve got to go with Japan. We already have a trip planned!

If you went to a desert island for just 6 months but could only take one album with you, what would you take?

Weezer’s blue album. I can listen to that over and over and never get bored of it.

Put these in order of your favourite movie genre to least: Horror, action, thriller, adventure, superhero, romance, drama, comedy, musical and dance?

Okay but first I want to say that I enjoy all of these genres! I’m just thinking of which ones I watch the most.

ComedyHorrorDramaThrillerActionSuperheroAdventureRomanceMusicalDance

What have been the top 3 most brilliant days of this year? Describe them in as much or as little detail as you like.

1. January 1st, I was still on vacation in Mexico City and we started our day with steak and eggs and then went and rode on the colorful boats at Xochimilco in the afternoon.

2. March 26th. My parents were in town, and I took them to the Huntington Botanical Gardens and the Academy Museum, plus the Hippo for dinner. My dad was in full health then, and it was really great to get to see my parents.

3. May 6th, I was in Las Vegas. It’s a close race between both days I was in Vegas, but I think this one wins. I had a huge greasy spoon breakfast with my friend’s bachelor party, then went to chill by the pool. Later, we went to Meow Wolf’s Omega Mart installation, and went to see Magic Mike Live at night. Fabulous!

Man, what a nice exercise!

What do you believe we as human beings take most for granted in this world?

Each other. (Too sappy?)

How many concerts have you been to in your life and which was your favourite? If you’ve not been to one, who would you most like to see?

Too many to count. I was the Music Editor of BUST Magazine for three years and used to be able to get into concerts for free, so I went all the time. But honestly? I still have very fond memories of the time TV On The Radio played at my college. It was right after Return to Cookie Mountain had come out, and they had so much energy and presence in the shitty little venue my school stuck them in (UpCDC, if you’re a Vassar person). It was an incredible show. I also felt like I understood their music better after seeing them perform live. It really impressed upon me how transformative it can be to see an artist play live.

White or red wine?

White. I live in Southern California, it almost never feels like red wine weather to me.

Who was the last person you hugged?

My bestie, saying goodbye after a beach day together.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

No, and I kind of regret that I never had this rite of passage.

Where did your first kiss take place?

Age 14? 15? on my friend’s parents’ couch, in the middle of History of the World: Part One. It was during the Spanish Inquisition scene. With a guy named Josh who had spiky blue hair. He was a musician, of course.

Do you prefer foxes or wolves?

Foxes are cuter.

Do you prefer fruit or vegetables?

Vegetables. Earlier this year my mother-in-law was visiting us and asked if we had any fruit and guys, we straight-up didn’t have any. That’s when I realized that maybe it’s kind of weird that we don’t eat much fruit.

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Of course. I used to make out with my high school friends all the time when we got drunk at parties. Is that weird?

Would you rather never fall in love again or never orgasm again?

I don’t need to fall in love again. I’m good.

What does your outfit consist of today?

Black bike shorts, a pink tank top that I already spilled olive oil on and a pink sports bra. It’s a schlubby, at-home day.

What are your bust-waist-hip measurements?

Please be serious.

Are you a hypocrite?

No, but I am full of contradictions.

Why did you last cry?

I was worried about my dad’s health.

What are your favourite smells?

Pine. Citrus. Wood smoke. My husband’s neck.

What are your favourite textures?

My cat’s tail. Wet sand. Cream.

Fur or feathers?

I would rather be cruelty-free and wear faux fur.

Tartan or tweed?

Tartan. Love a plaid moment.

Leopard print or neon?

Both!

If you won a LOT of money in the lottery and decided to move, where would you move to?

I would try to convince my husband that we should spend 3-12 months living in Paris. I LOVED it when we visited in 2018, and he’s never had the opportunity to live in a different country before (I got to study abroad in Prague during college). I think that’s such an enriching, special experience that ideally everyone would have.

Alcoholic beverage of choice?

Sparkling rosé.

What is more attractive: Nice hands or nice feet?

Nice hands. My husband has really nice hands and feet. So much so that, one time, we were at a party in Palm Springs and one of our friends was on molly, and Ross’s feet were up on the sofa, and she couldn’t stop talking about what nice feet he had. It cracked me up.

What’s the youngest you would consider dating?

What a creepy question! I’m not on the market, but probably 29 or 30. If you’re under 30 and offended, please trust me, once you’re deep into your 30s like I am, you’ll get it.

Could you ever deliver a baby?

Of course not! Who besides medical personnel could answer yes to this question?!

What did your last text read?

“Yeah that’s pretty good,” to a friend who wanted feedback on a social post they were doing for their company.

Can you ride a bicycle?

It’s been a while, but I think so!

What sport were you best at in high school?

Sitting and snarking.

What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?

A delicious tequila and citrus cocktail my friend made for us to drink on the beach.

Paris, London and New York… which one would you live in, which would you visit for a day, which would you visit for a fortnight?

Paris: Live in

London: Visit for a day

New York: Visit for a fortnight

Heavy rain or heatwave?

Heavy rain. Please. Can you send some?

Okay, that’s all for this week!

Don’t forget to like and comment on this newsletter if you’d like–you can use the buttons at the bottom or the top. You can also catch up on all the premium content I’ve released so far right here.

Until next time—hold your loved ones & jobs close.

Love,LizXOXO