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- Endless summer đ & ranking divas [Like You Know Whatever]
Endless summer đ & ranking divas [Like You Know Whatever]
Plus: welcoming Leo season.
Hi friends!
How are you? I hope youâre doing well! Iâm rather melting in this summer heat, but overall, Iâm alright. On Monday, I dropped off my laptop and key card at the office and had a farewell lunch with my boss at the Vietnamese spot Iâm going to miss, and then that was that. So, I am no longer working at Funny Or Die, but due to severance, Iâm going to be paid through the end of August. Dare I say that I am actually having a summer break?! Iâve been keeping busy with applying for jobs and working on my writing projects, but Iâm also trying to take some of this time to âhave a summah,â as it were.
For instance, I took a full day off in the middle of last week to go to the beach with my bestie who lives in Santa Monica. I donât think people understand how very large L.A. isâit took me just under an hour to get over there from my place, and thatâs with very little traffic. The weather is actually different on that side of town, about 15-20 degrees cooler. It was a gorgeous day, and so needed for my mental health. And honestly, I canât say it wasnât empowering to just tell my boss I was taking the day off, rather than asking (not that he cared, heâs great. Actually, our whole team was lovely and I will miss working with them).

Another thing thatâs been positive for my mental health? Getting the fuck out of Cancer season and into Leo season! Leos are confident, charismatic, flirty, creative, spotlight-craving natural leaders. Theyâre loyal friends and fiercely protective of their loved ones (thatâs the lion in them), and theyâre all about passion, ambition, and boldness. I see them as the jazz hands and gold lamĂ© gowns of the zodiac, always ready to perform, and taking center stage, at that. I mean, Madonna, Mick Jagger, and Jennifer Lopez are Leos. Need I say more?
I donât have any Leo in my chart (as always, you can do yours here), but Iâd say that itâs one of my favorite signs. I know that I always welcome Leo season when it rolls around to wrap up the summer with a blast of energy and sunshine and fun. So, how best to enjoy this season? Finally launch that creative project youâve been sitting on! Go for a bold mani or eyeshadow look! Get new headshots that show off how fabulous you are! Throw a party just because you can! Jump into the middle of a dance circle! Build a trophy case! Personal brands! Gold jewelry! Manifest, manifest, manifest!
Before we get into some things, let me first apologize to anyone who hoped I would spend this newsletter waxing rhapsodic about the Barbie movie. Yâall, I fucked up. I did not get tickets in time to see the movie last weekend, so I am going tonight instead. I am so sorry to disappoint you. I am thrilled, THRILLED at the impact this movie has already had, including Greta Gerwig having the biggest opening weekend ever for a female director. Although, not to take away from that achievement at all, but I get a little annoyed at a) qualifying accomplishments with âfor a female directorâ and b) seeing money as the pinnacle of success for a film. I know that thatâs all this industry seems to care about, but I still think artistry is important. And Barbie seems to deliver on that, too, as the reviews have been great!

I also did not see Oppenheimer, and probably never will, as I donât think spending three hours marinating on nuclear annihilation would be very good for my mental health. This is a bit embarrassing, but the last Christopher Nolan movie I saw was Inception, over 10 years ago. I saw that one in the theaters and everything, and it was such a disappointment, it kind of turned me off to him altogether. He will always have my respect for what he did with Heath in The Dark Knight, but Iâm wary of signing up for another letdown.
Alright then, shall we get into some things?
- Cooking. My husband requested chicken parm for dinner last week, and because he was having a hard week AND he rarely makes requests, I did it, even though it was 90 degrees out and I had to turn the oven on. đ”âđ« I used this Bobby Flay recipe, although I made it even easier by using jarred marinara sauce and pre-shredded mozzarella. It came out sooo good, yâall, perhaps even worth how hard our little a/c unit had to work to try to cool down the kitchen afterwards? I served it with spaghetti, sauteed zucchini, and a bagged Caesar salad.
(If youâre looking for a lighter version of chicken parm that wonât heat up your kitchen, this air fryer recipe* is quite good. I was just in the mood for the classic, olive oil-fried stuff that night.)
This meal got me thinking about how people sometimes say that all Mexican food is just the same five ingredients used in different ways, which I think is kind of ignorant and really diminishes the true complexity of Mexican cuisine. Some moles have like 50 ingredients in them! If we really want to talk about cuisine that uses the same ingredients over and over again, letâs talk about Italian American food. Tomatoes, garlic, pasta, cheese, meat. I mean, really. (Iâm being facetious, I donât actually think Italian American food is that simple, either.)
And then yesterday, on my quest to Cook All The Seasonal Produce, I made fresh corn fritters that I served with slow cooker pulled pork*, a bagged avocado ranch salad, and blueberry crumb bars for dessert. I know: baking?! In this weather? I must be out of my mind. Iâm just such a slut for a gooey, berry-filled dessert, especially one with a shortbread crust.
* One of my life hacks, as someone who never has central air in her apartment, is to cook with countertop appliances as much as possible during the summer to avoid heating up my kitchen. Try it!

- Welcome to Crappie Lake (Peacock). Look, I know that a Peacock-exclusive Housewives spin-off is a hard sell, but Iâm telling you, this fish-out-of-water reality show about Luann de Lesseps and Sonja Morgan from The Real Housewives of New York City trying to revitalize the tiny, rural town of Benton, Illinois is an absolute freakinâ delight. It puts such a smile on my face! Itâs kind of like Schittâs Creek meets The Simple Life, except the women actually want to be there and help the townâs residents. There are so many things that crack me up about this show (Sonja and Luannâs horniness for any breathing male in their vicinity being #1), but one thing I canât get over is how the mayor of Benton continually refers to Sonja and Luann as âgirls.â Sir, these women are nearly 60 years old. I die. But please, if you want a light watch, check out this show.
- LâOrĂ©al Paris True Match Nude Hyaluronic Tinted Serum Foundation ($15). I am usually firmly a medium coverage foundation girlieâI just like having the blank canvas of a more perfected base. But this summer, itâs been so hot and sunny out that I would look frankly unhinged with all that heavy shit separating on my face, so I went looking for a lighter coverage option, and I found oneâand at the drugstore, at that! This LâOrĂ©al option is a tinted serum foundation, whatever the fuck that means, and it has hyaluronic acid in it, which is great. I got it in the shade Very Light and it is maybe just a hair lighter than my summertime skin tone, but thatâs fine. It evens out my imperfections and provides a little coverage but still looks very natural and skin-like. The only thing I donât like is the dropper applicator, which has the potential to be very messy. I usually put a big olâ drop on the back of my hand and apply it with my fingers from there, then blend it out with a sponge. Iâm a big fan!
- Natasha Denonaâs Yucca eyeshadow palette ($69). Okay, look, I know, the price is insane, but you can get 15% off if you sign up for the newsletter on Natasha Denonaâs website, which slashes $10 off right there, and then youâll be alerted to any future sales (there may be a Labor Day one upcoming, although I donât know if it will apply to the Yucca palette since itâs new). I actually had a special Boxycharm code (which isnât working anymore, or Iâd share it with you) and got this for $50.
PRICE ASIDE, which I know is a ballsy thing to say in this economy⊠this palette is so beautiful, yâall!! It is the most stunning, neutrals-with-a-twist color story. If you have any warm or olive tones in your skin, these colors will look amazing on you. Natasha Denona said that she was inspired to create this palette from the idea of the morning sun sparkling on the leaves of a yucca plant, and since Iâm a sucker for the desert and all its vegetation, I knew that I had to grab this. These shadows have that gorgeous, buttery, super blendable Natasha Denona formula, which is one of my favorites. I know itâs a lot to say considering that her palettes are SO expensive, but I actually feel like her shadows are very beginner-friendly? They are pigmented, but very buildable and easy to work with. I also will say that I donât care for a lot of the multi-shadow looks Iâve seen done with this palette, including some of the pictures on NDâs website. These colors are so unique and deserve to shine equally, and I prefer using this palette for a one or two shadow look, maybe three if you add an inner corner pop. Iâm recommending this palette now because I think these colors will transition beautifully from summer into fall. If you have this palette, what do you think?
- I asked my Instagram story what I should write about this week and only two of you responded. It seems that you are all just as stumped as I am! Anyway, here is what you recommended:
âCats.â Iâm assuming the person who wrote this wants to see pictures of my fluffy 11 year-old tuxedo cat, Zadie, who is the true queen of our home. I will not disappoint you! But first, I want to talk about two great cats that Ross and I met at our recent visit to the Sante DâOr no-kill shelter here in Los Angeles. We were totally smitten with Ricearoni, a short-haired gray boy who was so mushy (âhow mushy was he?â), he let us pick him up, roll him around, squish his paws, you name it. We also met his brother Basmati, a playful, big-eyed black cat who loves to climb. If youâre looking to adopt a pair, these two would bring so much fun and cuddles and personality to your home. As a grand dame, Zadie needs a much more mellow energy in a potential brother or sister, but man, we sure enjoyed our time with these boys. Okay, here are some Zadie pics!
âRank some divas!â I have to be honest, Iâm not sure if the person who wrote this even reads this newsletter (âshe doesnât even go here!â). I would never attempt to rank women who are so legendary. Luckily, someone at BuzzFeed did, in 2014, and they are extremely wrong, even by 2014 standards. Letâs take a look at their âdefinitiveâ diva rankings and explore the wrongness:
1. Madonna â HAHAHAHHA. No. Now, Madonna is certainly iconic, but a diva? I guess that I always thought a diva was someone with incredible vocal abilities, specifically, the ability to BELT. Madonna simply does not have the pipes to go toe to toe with Mariah.
2. BeyoncĂ© â I want to point out that this list was written BEFORE BeyoncĂ© released her self-titled visual album that rocked the world, and everything incredible sheâs done since. So, youâre telling me that this person thought she deserved to be the #2 diva just based on her work from Destinyâs Child through 4? I love BeyoncĂ©, but give me a fucking break. Thereâs no world in which she should rank above Whitney. Sorry.
3. Mariah Carey â Finally, some goddamn sense.
4. Whitney Houston â Duh.
5. Janet Jackson â Hmm. I love Janet, but really? What are we going on here? Attitude? âCause it canât be those wispy-ass vocals.
6. Diana Ross â Naturally.
7. Dolly Parton â Oh. Hm. Now, this is an interesting one. If we were going on songwriting ability, sure, but thatâs not what a diva is, to me. And Whitneyâs cover of âI Will Always Love Youâ certainly takes the coconut cake over Dollyâs original. Sooooooo⊠damn, I donât know! What do you all think? Does Dolly deserve a place on the definitive diva list?
8. Aretha Franklin â I canât believe it took this person until number goddamn eight to get to Aretha. For shame.
9. Mary J. Blige â Hmm. I personally would not rank her this high, but I see why she should be on this list.
10. Adele â Sure! This seems like a good place for her.

11. Cher â Yeah!
12. Rihanna â Does not deserve to be this high, but with the way her vocals have improved in recent years, yeah, I think she deserves to be on the list. Toward the bottom.
13. Tina Turner â Oh fuck yes.
14. Barbra Streisand â Absolutely. Should be in the top 10, easily.
15. Kylie Minogue â This is hard for me, because I have a ton of love and respect for Kylie, even though the âPadam Padamâ video is basically Katya cosplay. Iconic? Yes. A diva? Ehhhhh I donât know. I just donât know.
16. Amy Winehouse â Gosh, this is a tough one, mostly because her career was tragically cut short. She certainly made an impact in that short time, but her career did not go through as many different seasons as someone like, say, a Celine Dion, or even an Adele. I donât think she belongs here, actually.
17. Erykah Badu â I donât know if the âdivaâ label suits her. Sheâs an incredible, singular artist, but a diva? Hmm.
18. Shakira â No. Sorry.
19. Lady Gaga â Okay. Yes. Sheâs got the pipes, sheâs got the presence, sheâs got the drama. Even though sheâs relatively young compared to many of the women on this list, I think sheâs made her mark.
20. Britney Spears â Aw, babe. Thatâs cute. But no. Britney is many wonderful, amazing things, but put her next to Aretha and she sounds like a field mouse.
21. Donna Summer â Sure.
22. Taylor Swift â I donât know if itâs the fact that Iâm just not a Taylor girl (although I respect the fact that a lot of brilliant women with great taste I know like her for some reason), but I donât think she deserves to be on this list at all. Although, bringing a reporter to her best friendâs wedding to write about how wonderful and down-home she is was certainly a diva move Iâll never forget. (*whispers* I donât like her.)
23. Celine Dion â Now weâre fucking talking.

24. Lauryn Hill â I mean, is it diva behavior to start a concert five hours late? Sure. But other than that, I donât see a diva here.
25. Jennifer Lopez â Ooooh. Now, Iâve never found J.Loâs voice to be that strong, but I think she might make up for it as a performer, a dancer, a haver-of-attitude. Sheâs no Mariah, but yeah, she can be on this list.
26. Miley Cyrus â HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. No.
27. P!nk â Do I or does anyone I know listen to P!nk? No. Yet, we canât deny that she has made an impressive career for herself over several decades, and she has her whole aerial shit she does, which has a wow factor. I think she can be on this list.
28. Kelly Clarkson â Her vocal skills are impressive, but I just donât think she has the disposition of a diva. Have you seen clips from her talk show? Sheâs sweet as pie. Everybody loves her. That does not a diva make.
29. Christina Aguilera â Christina absolutely deserves to be on this list. I often think about how she deserves more respect in general. I feel like the youths today see her as âthat lady from The Voiceâ and have no idea the impact she had in the early â00s. No disrespect to anyone else on the song, but she carried âLady Marmaladeâ on her back like a Navy SEAL doing a water rescue. The fact that sheâs #29 on this list of 31 is absurd.

30. Lana Del Rey â What in the worldâŠ?! Are you lost, little girl? Get her the fuck out of here!
31. Katy Perry â *choking sound* Please stop before I hurt myself laughing at this one.
What do you all think? Who should be ranked higher? Who is missing from this list altogether? Lizzo, obviously, but who else? Let me know in the comments!
- Before you go, I have a quick favor to ask! Iâm looking to add some more premium downloadable content for the paid subscribers. Which of the following content would interest you the most?
If thereâs something else youâd like to see that I havenât mentioned, please feel free to hit reply or let me know in the comments as well!
Alright babes, that brings us to the end! The next newsletter will be in two weeks as usual. I went a bit wild this month and gave you an extra free oneâwhoops!
Donât forget to like, comment, and share this newsletter if youâd likeâyou can use the buttons at the bottom or the top. You can also upgrade to a paid subscription if you want more contentâthereâs a special button for you at the bottom of this email!
Until next timeâgive Christina some goddamn respect.
Love,
Liz
XOXO
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