Cool coyotes 😎 & evil dolls [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friends!

How are you?? I’m doing swell. As I begin to write this, I’m out in the desert again–the Yucca Valley, to be exact, about 10 minutes away from Joshua Tree National Park. My drive down here from L.A. was slightly terrifying because there were high winds, and our little compact car tends to get blown around near the wind farms anyway. (Have you ever seen a wind farm? I think they’re quite beautiful, actually, although I know conservatives feel a way about them.) I listened to the same album two and a half times because I was too scared to move my hands from 10 and two on the steering wheel!

But I finally made it to my Airbnb, just in time to watch the sunset (thank goodness, because I hate driving these barely marked dirt roads in the dark). The colors of the desert are so beautiful to me. The houses are so spread out here that the views are just insane. And I’ve already gotten some work done! One thing that I didn’t realize until I checked in is that there’s no TV here, so I can’t even be distracted by Netflix. Perfect.

One trendy design element I keep noticing in hotels and Airbnbs is that nobody seems to want a fully enclosed shower anymore. The shower here only has a half pane of glass protecting you from splashing water all over the damn bathroom, and I’ve been in other places recently where the showers were completely open. Yeah, it looks cool, but you end up getting water everywhere! So impractical. What’s so bad about hanging up a shower curtain with a cute design? Jeez.

The one thing about the desert that gets me every time is the silence. It fills up my ears like water. I had so much trouble falling asleep last night without any noise. Then, every time there was a tiny sound in the night, I would go, “What was that?” and start replaying the plot of Barbarian in my head. It’s funny, you would think the silence would make it easier to sleep–we always sleep with a white noise machine because our neighbors are often too loud. But then, does white noise function differently than silence? One is the presence of sound, one is the absence of it. Hmmmm!

Another thing I love about the desert is getting to see wildlife all around me. I’ve already seen a rabbit, some chipmunks, and this morning I had to pause in the middle of my online therapy session to yell, “Oh, shit, it’s a coyote!” when one walked by. I know we’re not supposed to like coyotes because in L.A., they often prey on outdoor pets, but I think they’re pretty cool, the way they slink around like jazz musicians. I don’t really think people should have outdoor pets anyway, but that’s a somewhat controversial opinion.

Update now that I’m back in Los Angeles: Well, y’all, I did it! I finished my screenplay!!! It’s taken literal years from when I first came up with the idea, but it’s finally done. I might tinker around with it a bit more, because I can’t help myself, but it’s complete enough that I’ve already submitted it to a few fellowships.

This has been a classic case of “it takes as long as it takes.” I’ve had a full draft of the thing since the summer of 2020, following every beat of my painstakingly plotted outline, but it was always missing ~something~. Well, I mean, at first it was missing about 20 pages, but I couldn’t figure out why: all the action was there! My main character did all the things I needed her to do, so why was it short? Last year, I added narration, and that helped, but it still needed five pages. Then, just this December, my therapist and I started talking about food and exercise and body image stuff. It wasn’t until my therapy session two weeks ago when I was talking about this writing trip that it finally clicked for me: what the script was missing was me. It’s a dark comedy about a young mother who gets sucked into a fitness MLM that destroys her life–it was practically begging for me to use all this stuff I’ve been talking about in therapy. It was SO obvious!

This shit always happens to me with fictional writing, though. I’ll think I’m making something silly up, completely off the top of my head, and then, months after it’s finished, I’ll realize, “Oh, shit, that character was totally my mom.” Do any other writers reading this go through this, too? Make me feel better about how obtuse I am about my own writing, please!

Let’s get into Some Things! I have lots of TV & film recs for you today to make up for all the makeup last time:

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- Physical: 100 (Netflix). Now for something completely off-brand! My husband, Ross, and I have been watching this South Korean fitness competition show in which 100 athletes with “top physiques” compete for 300 million won, or about $250,000 USD. It was recommended on his Netflix profile, not mine, obviously. We have some issues with how the show is produced (it needs a host, their instant replays are annoying, and they spend too much time introducing all 100 contestants in the beginning), but it’s pretty interesting to see athletes with very different skill sets compete. They have everyone from CrossFitters to gymnasts to models to bodybuilders to baseball players, but they’re not evenly matched in all situations. For instance, in the first challenge, the contestants have to hang from a set of bars that are lifted over water, the winner being whoever hangs on the longest. There are guys on the show with huge, bulging muscles who might win a wrestling challenge easily but who struggle when it comes to hanging onto their own body weight. I doubt this is supposed to be the take away, but to me, it shows that there is no one perfect body, even amongst the “elite.”

One aspect of the show that cracks me up is that there are people on it who are very famous in South Korea who I could sit next to on a plane for eight hours and would have no idea who they are. The one exception is MMA fighter Choo Sung-hoon. I would still have no idea who he is, but I would know that he’s somebody. The guy just looks famous. He exudes celebrity energy. Since I live in L.A. and fly back and forth to New York a few times a year, there have definitely been times where Ross or a friend has turned to me and gone, “Who is that over there? That’s definitely somebody.” And then we figure out that it’s Sarah Paulson or Julia Garner or some famous athlete whose name I never retain (I will say, athletes are always easier to spot because they’re just so much taller than everyone else). Fame is a funny thing. Some celebrities look like stars, and others just look like some guy. Who knew?

- Kaleidoscope (Netflix). I was intrigued by this heist mini-series starring Giancarlo Esposito, because the order of the episodes is presented differently for each Netflix account who watches it. I thought that was a cool idea, and an interesting way to incorporate the streaming platform itself into the creative direction of a show. And that WAS cool! However, I have to say, I wish the writing was about 25% better. It was a little cheesy at times, and I just think that Giancarlo Esposito deserves the world. (In case you’re interested, the order we watched it in was Green, Yellow, Violet, Orange, Blue, Red, Pink, White). If you watched, what did you think of the series?

- Emily the Criminal (Netflix). I loved this little movie starring Aubrey Plaza, about a woman with a mountain of student loans from art school and a police record from a series of poor decisions trying to get by in Los Angeles. I’ve always thought of Aubrey Plaza as pretty much your typical UCB person who made good, but after watching this film I realized, hey, she’s a pretty good actor, isn’t she? (Actually, I also thought she was fantastic in Happiest Season, but that role was much smaller and less emotionally demanding.) Check it out if you want a quick watch (it’s like 95 minutes long, bless it).

- The Menu (HBOMax). Oh my gosh, I adored this movie about an over-the-top pretentious fine dining restaurant. It’s a really dark comedy, but I kept laughing out loud at it. It just got so many things right about the world of fine dining these days. Ralph Fiennes was obviously great as the head chef and owner, but I thought Hong Chau was hysterically on-point as the host/manager, too. My only advice is, don’t eat while you’re watching it, you’ll either be disappointed that you’re not eating a beautifully presented tasting menu, or grossed out by um… some of the things that happen.

- M3GAN (for rent on Prime Video). Wow, I guess I’ve been watching a lot of dark content lately! This horror movie was one of the first pieces of narrative media I’ve seen that did artificial intelligence in a satisfying way (the other one was that episode of Black Mirror with Miley–so good!). I feel like, so often, A.I. in movies and TV shows is far-fetched in the way it’s presented and being used. It’s not that I think this movie was 100% accurate as to our current technological capabilities, but it didn’t feel unreasonable. I had a screenwriting teacher who used to say, “It can be impossible, as long as it’s not illogical.” Meaning, your movie can have elves and fairies and flying talking toasters in it as long as it doesn’t contradict the rules of the world it’s established. M3GAN is successful at playing by its own rules, IMO. It’s an A.I. movie, it’s an evil doll movie, and it’s also pretty funny at times. I thoroughly enjoyed it! Alison Williams is so good at playing just the worst person.

- The Last Of Us (HBOMax). Speaking of dark content: I watched exactly one episode of this zombie show based on the popular video game, because Ross had played the game and was all excited about the show, but it turns out that, like The Walking Dead, this show is too damn bleak for me. I don’t know about you, but I am just trying to get through the damn day over here without falling into despair, I don’t need to see the worst of humanity playing out in my entertainment. Besides, I’ve always said that if I were in a global apocalypse scenario like a zombie attack, I would want to go out in the first wave. No way in hell am I going to be living like a damn pioneer, okay? I have no hard skills. I work in comedy. The hell am I supposed to do, be some kind of post-apocalyptic traveling bard? Fuck that shit! L8r!

- RuPaul’s Drag Race season 15 (for purchase on Prime Video, iTunes, etc). You know, I was going to write about how I haven’t really been feeling this season of Drag Race except for a few queens, but then I took a look at the cast list to make sure I was getting everyone’s three names right (I’m kidding, but also not), and I realized that I actually like a lot of the queens on this season! Loosey LaDuca has her comedy queen game face on, Marcia Marcia Marcia is such a fun character, Malaysia Babydoll Foxx and Mistress Isabelle Brooks are bringing it in face and cuuuurrrrvesss, honey, and everything Sasha Colby does screams “legend.” (I know everyone’s gaga for Luxx Noir London, too, but I personally think she’s just okay, she’s too typical of a Ru choice for me—young, thin, pretty.)

I think my main problem with the show is that they’ve cut the episodes down to 42 minutes, so we barely get to know the queens! That really sucks. I feel like the big girls are REALLY bringing it this season, and it would be so cool to finally get a winner who brings some body diversity to the crown. I was going to say the same thing for age diversity, too, but then I found out that Sasha Colby is only one year older than me even though she’s treated like some kind of grand dame, and now I need to lie down and take my Metamucil, be a dear and bring it to me, won’t you?

- I’ve really been enjoying Bon Appetit’s series “The Receipt,” in which Americans at different income levels and budgets share their food diaries for a week and what they spent on all of it. Recently, they had a 23 year-old full-time student in Oregon who lives on food stamps, loans, and part-time work share his week in meals, and I thought it was super interesting. With the insane cost of groceries lately, it was inspiring to see how someone could eat relatively well with very little money. I mean, he does eat chicken thighs almost every day, but he had nice coffee and fresh bread and Tillamook dairy products.

Money can be so interesting. Ross and I were chatting with a friend of ours and it came up in a jokey way that we are some of his poorest friends–not that we’re living below the poverty line, but he’s an Ivy League alum, and most of his friends are lawyers and finance guys. And yet, I know that with a different set of friends, we might be towards the top of the pack. Well, maybe, lol. At least in the middle. I think that we have done pretty well with what we have–our apartment building can be annoying in a lot of ways, but we’re paying the same for a three bedroom with two baths that other people are paying for a one bedroom in the same neighborhood. We have always managed to luck out and find places with below-market rent. But we have also always spent a crazy amount of money on food in a week for two people, due to our terrible delivery habit. So maybe I should take a note from this dude in Bon Appetit and cook more chicken thighs.

- Okay, one final rec. I’ve been working on a book of humorous personal essays (yay!) while also submitting my YA novel to agents (double yay!), and one resource that has been invaluable is Jane Friedman’s blog. Ms. Friedman is a long-time vet of the publishing industry, and her blog is full of super helpful articles for writers trying to navigate the publishing process. Some that I’ve been leaning on are:

• How to Find a Literary Agent

• How to Write a Novel Synopsis

• How to Write a Nonfiction Book Proposal

She doesn’t just write all the entries, either, she has lots of guest writers who share their knowledge as well. If you are a writer with the goal of being published traditionally (or even non-traditionally–she has articles on self-publishing as well), it’s well worth a look.

Okay folks, that’s all she wrote!

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Until next time—enclose your showers.

Love,

Liz

XOXO