Birthdays & baggage [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friends!

How are you doing? I’m pretty good! Last time I talked to you, I was in New York for a wedding, which was just perfect. There was gorgeous fall weather all weekend, especially on that Friday, when my husband and I went out to visit my in-laws on Long Island. We got lunch by the beach and strolled on the boardwalk, then did a long walk through their neighborhood with their goldendoodle amidst delightful suburban Halloween decorations, then we went out to a fun hibachi dinner with my brother-in-law and his kids and kept getting sake squirted in our mouths by the chef. Then we took the train back into Brooklyn and met up with a bunch of friends at Sharlene’s (which used to be our favorite neighborhood bar), and it was so nice to get to spend time with friends I haven’t seen much of in a while. We stayed out past one and even got Artichoke pizza and ate our slices on the street, burning the fuck out of the roofs of our mouths.

The next day, Saturday, felt like such a meandering, classic Brooklyn day, starting with a late brunch at Miriam, then wandering around Park Slope until we ended up grabbing sour beers at Talea, then watching HGTV in our hotel room until it was time for dinner (Roberta’s) and a comedy show (Union Hall). It felt like 2014 all over again, honestly, except we aren’t in our 20s anymore and can actually afford to order decent cocktails instead of pounding $5 Narragansetts (not that there’s anything wrong with that!). 

And then, Sunday was our friends’ wedding, which was beautiful and touching and very New York (I’d say 70% of the guests were wearing black, including myself—I finally got to wear my Whimsical Dress!). They even had a Mister Softee truck come by for dessert, which was delicious! The next day, we flew home to L.A., and that flight went very smoothly. On the flight to New York, there was a weird, loud noise during take-off, and I guess someone was vaping, because I saw smoke and turned to Ross and said, “Ross, there’s smoke, something’s wrong, something’s happening,” but then it was fine?! Except that my monitor cut out in the middle of Legally Blonde and never came back on. Thank goodness I’d downloaded two episodes of Bitch Sesh just before I’d boarded the plane, or I would have actually had to read the book I’d brought! Quelle horreur!

A few days after we got back from New York, it was my birthday, which was nice and pretty low-key. We have so much travel and two weddings this month, I didn’t feel like planning a party for myself on top of that. Instead, the night before my birthday, my husband took me to see Trixie and Katya Live! at the YouTube Theater in Inglewood, which was so fun! And how can you not adore a straight man who’s willing to take his wife to a drag show? The scale of the show was really impressive, and there were so many in-jokes for longtime fans, it was a blast. On my actual birthday, Ross decorated the living room with balloons and got up early to get my birthday cake (a cheesecake from Porto’s 🤤) before work. Per my preference, we got Taco Bell for dinner and watched Halloween Ends (which I enjoyed a lot!). Then, that Friday, we went out to dinner at Cabra, one of Stephanie Izard’s (Top Chef season 4) restaurants here in L.A., and had frozen drinks and seven different dishes.

So, yeah. I said my birthday was low-key, but it also kind of was celebrated over three days, soooo maybe I’m not as chill as I thought?? (Impossible!)

Another positive thing that’s happened since the last time we spoke is that I started video therapy with a new provider! The practice is super progressive and social justice-driven (they have a land acknowledgment on their website) and overall it just seems like a very different approach to therapy than I’ve participated in in the past. I had my first session and was expecting to spend it unpacking all my baggage or “trauma dumping” as the kids say, as I’ve done in the past with other therapists, but instead it was more like dipping a toe into the waters of vulnerability, rather than cannon-balling into the deep end. I didn’t even cry!

In the past, unpacking my history to a new therapist has felt like pulling out a very long string of sausages in front of a drooling, hungry cartoon dog. With each new reveal of a way in which I’m fucked up, the therapist’s eyes would get wider and wider, like that meme of Vince McMahon. I talk about past panic attacks and they yawn sympathetically, but when I mention that my two older brothers were adopted, but I’m my parents’ sole, surprise biological child? They start vibrating. Then I tell them my oldest brother died in a car accident when I was 13 and he was 20 and they become this cat gif. It’s almost too easy. Sometimes I don’t want to give them the answers that quickly. An escape room isn’t fun if all the clues are so obvious. Let them root around a little first and feel like they’re discovering something, ya know?

Gosh, I hope you find this funny, because I think it’s hilarious.

But enough about that. Let’s get into Some Things, shall we?

- The Watcher (Netflix). This new, based-on-true-events series from Ryan Murphy rides the line between thriller and horror, but it is DEFINITELY very creepy. I can’t in good conscience recommend it to the scaredy cats reading this, but if you can handle scary stuff, there’s a lot to like here. It has an incredible cast (Naomi Watts! Bobby Cannavale! Jennifer Coolidge! Mia Farrow! Margo Martindale! Noma Domezweni! And more!), and I feel like Ryan Murphy has really reigned in his penchant for camp. My husband and I binged it all in one night, and I can’t remember the last time we did that with a show. Just don’t watch it alone, and lock your doors first, okay?

- Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (Prime Video). I watched this quirky, partially animated comedy-drama film from Dean Fleischer-Camp and Jenny Slate on the plane ride back to L.A. It was very cute and melancholy, with themes of grief and loneliness. A little heavy-hearted for something kid-friendly (it’s PG), but it didn’t ultimately make me cry, so it wasn’t THAT sad.

- Nooworks Magic Suits. They call these cotton jersey jumpsuits “Magic Suits” because they supposedly look good on everybody. I don’t know about that, but they do look good on me. Nooworks is a woman-owned company that’s based in San Francisco and Los Angeles and works with different artists to create limited edition textiles that they then sell in different garments. Over the years, I have accumulated four of their Magic Suits in different prints. They’re soo comfy! Honestly, they’re not cheap, but that’s the cost of getting a garment ethically produced in the U.S. these days. I also love that they come in sizes XXS - 5X.

- Cooking. I made the Smitten Kitchen turkey pesto meatballs pasta this week, and it was delicious! I’ve never made meatballs before, but they were pretty simple, even for a weeknight. I didn’t have orecchiette, so I used whole wheat penne instead, and I’d read in the comments about someone adding broccoli rabe to the veggies, which sounded good to me, so I did that as well. The only thing I’m unclear on is the broth element of the dish. I’m not sure if that was necessary, or really added much flavor. If I make this again, next time I might just omit the broth and toss everything with extra pesto.

Okay, shall we do another celebrity survey? Today’s survey is one of my very favorites, The Proust Questionnaire, which you may know from Vanity Fair. Here’s a little background on it:

"The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature."

Let’s get into it!

__1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness?

My idea of perfect happiness is going out to a great brunch or lunch on vacation, somewhere warm where you can sit outside and linger, either over conversation, people-watching, or a great book. Maybe a cigarette (I only smoke on vacation) or a cocktail is involved, maybe a cappuccino. That’s my favorite version of doing nothing–doing nothing with a drink and a view.

__2.__What is your greatest fear?

Losing my husband, with “nuclear annihilation” in a close second. I’m also an anxious flyer, but I power through because I love to travel.

__3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

It’s actually my tendency toward self-criticism. Isn’t that hilarious? It’s just one more thing to criticize about myself!

__4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others?

I can think of a lot–bigotry, ignorance, homophobia/racism/sexism etc.–but I think it all comes down to small-mindedness, which can plague people regardless of age or political affiliation. 

__5.__Which living person do you most admire?

Kathleen Hanna (from Bikini Kill, Le Tigre, The Julie Ruin). I think it’s impressive anytime someone can align their career with their personal values and beliefs, and continue to grow with those movements.

__6.__What is your greatest extravagance?

Probably getting my hair cut & colored. I don’t even want to tell you how much that costs. Just know that I have had people guess, and they never go high enough. 😬

__7.__What is your current state of mind?

Anxious, but determined to find the optimism somewhere.

__8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Chastity. Fuck that. It’s just a rod used to beat young women and girls.

__9.__On what occasion do you lie?

Occasionally, when I’m on the phone with my parents. There are just certain times I have perhaps omitted information so as to not make them worry.

__10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My skin has never made things easy for me. We’re constantly at odds.

__11.__Which living person do you most despise?

Donald Trump, but you could’ve guessed that.

__12.__What is the quality you most like in a man?

The older I get, the more I value compassion and kindness. And of course, being actually funny (as opposed to just thinking you’re funny). Put Jimmy Stewart’s moral compass into Seth Rogen’s body, with Seth Rogen’s sense of humor? I’m done.

__13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman?

I like a woman who looks at the world with a critical eye. I’m super opinionated about everything, so I tend to surround myself with other women who have strong points of view.

__14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I say “Jesus fucking Christ” a fair amount for someone who was raised Catholic (don’t tell my parents).

__15.__What or who is the greatest love of your life?

It’s a boring answer, but my husband, Ross. I could say something pretentious like “the craft of writing,” but that’s not the truth. I don’t always love writing. I always adore him. He is the best and the funniest and makes everything more fun.

__16.__When and where were you happiest?

I think the happiest time in my life was when I was in college, at Vassar. That was such a life-changing experience and the first time I ever really felt independent, which is something I’d always longed for as a child. I had some lows during that time, too, but it was a rare time when both my “work” life and my home life felt like exactly what I was meant to be doing.

__17.__Which talent would you most like to have?

I wish I could sing really well, like, Lady Gaga-level well. Every other talent I can think of is attainable–I could learn new languages, instruments, crafts if I chose to apply myself. But your vocal capabilities are kind of locked in, aren’t they?

__18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Just one? That’s a toughie. Ha ha. Without any irony: love myself more.

__19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Writing a novel, probably?

__20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I would come back as my own cat. She has a lovely life.

__21.__Where would you most like to live?

I would love to live in Paris for a year. I would love to be bicoastal and spend part of summer and fall in New York City. Otherwise, I’m very happy in Los Angeles.

__22.__What is your most treasured possession?

Photos. (I don’t count my cat as a possession because she’s a person.)

__23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Worrying about the health of someone you care deeply about. That’s the fucking worst. I think it’s actually worse than dealing with death. There’s a certainty to death. Being in limbo is torture.

__24.__What is your favorite occupation?

Getting to work in comedy is a fucking joy.

__25.__What is your most marked characteristic?

Physical characteristic? Probably my personal style. I wear a lot of color and mix prints often. Non-physical characteristic? I’ve been told I’m very sarcastic.

__26.__What do you most value in your friends?

Good listeners and good storytellers.

__27.__Who are your favorite writers?

I look up tremendously to Diablo Cody. I love the way Eve Babitz writes. I think Carrie Fisher was brilliant. I love Miranda July’s prose. (Oh gawd, this is all white ladies. Sorry.)

__28.__Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Ignatius J. Reilly from A Confederacy of Dunces.

__29.__Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Dorothy Parker. Having to be the funniest in a room full of men speaks to me. Plus, she was born in Jersey, lived in New York, then moved to Hollywood. Hello!

__30.__Who are your heroes in real life?

Activists, artists, social workers, public defenders, teachers. Anyone who is underpaid and making the world a better place.

__31.__What are your favorite names?

I love my grandmothers’ names, Laurinda and Sophia.

__32.__What is it that you most dislike?

Narcissism.

__33.__What is your greatest regret?

Anytime I was unkind to someone or hurt them. If you don’t regret those moments, you’re a sociopath.

__34.__How would you like to die?

Dreaming. In a way that doesn’t traumatize or inconvenience anybody.

__35.__What is your motto?

“Life’s too short.”

On that note, I think it’s time to wrap this up!

Don’t forget to like, comment, and share this newsletter–you can use the buttons at the bottom or the top.

Until next time—save some trauma for later.

Love,

Liz

XOXO