Beating the heat & living for the drama [Like You Know Whatever]

Hi friends!

How are you? What a crazy week, right? I’m not even going to attempt to cover everything that’s happened—what am I, a Billy Joel song?—but I will give my thoughts on the Don’t Worry Darling drama later on, so look forward to that.

As I begin to write this, we are in the middle of a big heat wave here in Los Angeles–in my neighborhood, temperatures have steadily been hitting over 100 degrees in the afternoon. It started last Friday and temperatures are finally supposed to go down this weekend, so it’s been a loooong stretch of hot, sweaty days.

Ways that my husband and I tried to beat the heat last weekend included: going to the movies (more on that later), buying slushie drinks from McDonald’s and spiking them with vodka, and going to the beach. When you choose where to live in Los Angeles, you kind of have to decide if you’re going to be a beach person or a city person, ocean or mountains. I love the ocean and grew up going down the Jersey shore nearly every summer, but at this point in my 30s, I don’t know that I’m a big beach person. Every time I go, I’m glad that I went, but it is such a production! I usually have to drive about an hour to get to the coast, then finding parking is a goddamn nightmare, and then you have to schlep all your beach supplies to wherever your friends decide to sit, if you can even find them! When I went this weekend, the sand was scorching hot, and I made the mistake of taking off my sandals while we were walking to meet our friends and burnt the fuck out of my feet.

That said… there is nothing more refreshing during a heat wave than jumping into the ocean! God, do I love swimming in the sea! I grew up swimming in the Atlantic, and that is much more chill and conducive to floating and bobbing around than the Pacific, where the undertow is strong and the waves will knock you over. But still, every time I go to the beach, I have to at least put my feet in the water to make it real. This time I jumped in, dress and all, because sometimes when it’s really hot, I like getting my clothing soaked to help cool me down. Then I had some hard seltzers and watched my friends play a very uneven game of volleyball, and my husband drove back without a shirt on like a sexy farmer or something and it all turned out pretty great.

Another thing that happened this week is that the humor site I run, Funny-ish.com, closed permanently. It simply was time, for a number of different reasons that I won’t bore you with. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who supported the site over the years. I so appreciate that people trusted us to be a home for their writing.

I also got reached out to by a recruiter regarding a role at a little website that rhymes with Schmoogle. Or, so I’m assuming. Sometimes these recruiters aren’t supposed to tell you the names of the companies they’re hiring for unless you express interest in the role, so in their initial emails they’ll say things like “a large social media company” and it’ll turn out to be Facebook. Here are some of the ways recruiters have described companies when pitching me in the past year or so:

• a client “in the streaming space” (Netflix)

• “a well known social platform” (TikTok)

• “a large beverage/entertainment company” (Red Bull)

• “the well-known ‘binge-watch and chill’ streaming platform” (Netflix)

• “the world's largest search engine” (Google)

I mean, that last one is barely obscuring anything. Oddly enough, every time I was up for a role at Disney, they just told me it was Disney. You also might note from the above list that I was up for two different roles at Netflix in this past year. Yup! Both times they were contract jobs that paid more money than I’ve ever been offered, and they passed on interviewing me for either one of them. The funny thing is, one of the roles was to manage the Netflix Is A Joke YouTube channel, and now I manage a comedy YouTube channel with even more subscribers than them. But it’s just as well, those stupid transphobic fucks keep laying people off anyhow.

Anyway, I’m actually very happy in my current job and not looking to move on anytime soon! It is always flattering to be recruited, though.

Alright, shall we get into Some Things? Let’s go:

- Bodies Bodies Bodies (in theaters). I finally broke the seal and went to my first movie in the theaters since 2019! And it happened to be on National Cinema Day, so the tickets were $3! Honestly, that was maybe not the best day to go back to the movies for the first time, since it was hella crowded (it was also during the heat wave), but I wore an N-95, so whatever. I thought the movie was so fun, and very Gen Z! It was a little annoying because people were obviously movie-hopping that day (not that I never did that as a teen, but really? On $3 movie day?). We had to ask people to move out of our seats when we got to the theater, and then some dude walked in just as the movie was about to start and asked us, “What movie is this?” So we told him. Then, he asked, “Well, what’s it about?” And we just said, “I dunno, man.” Like, seriously? What do we look like, IMDB? But regardless, Rachel Sennott was a delight and Pete Davidson was actually quite enjoyable as well. Check it out if you like horror-comedy!

- The Don’t Worry Darling press tour mess. If you haven’t been following the drama surrounding the Venice International Film Festival premiere of the movie Don’t Worry Darling, oh, it is WELL WORTH getting into. Here’s an okay explainer, although it omits the fact that Florence Pugh is apparently friendly with Olivia Wilde’s ex, Jason Sudeikis, through HER ex, Zach Braff, and was on the set of Ted Lasso when Braff directed an episode last season. That just adds another layer as to why Miss Flo isn’t getting along with the new Miss Harry Styles’ Girlfriend. The main point? Harmless, petty celebrity drama is BACK, baby, and I am eating it up with a spoon! Slurp, slurp!

Here are my takes on everyone involved:

• Harry Styles: I’ve always found him very charming and handsome (my husband turned me into a sucker for green eyes), although I’m concerned about his acting ability and possible queerbaiting. I also recently bought a facial spritz from his lifestyle brand, Pleasing, and it doesn’t fucking do anything, so he’s on notice.

• Olivia Wilde: I loved Booksmart, but the Shia stuff is gross. If you are getting money and clout from being allied with feminism, you need to actually back that shit up. I don’t care about her and Harry Styles at all, because:

• Jason Sudeikis: I’ve recently heard from multiple sources that this dude is a total douchebag, and on deck for cancellation any day now. You’ve been warned. I thought that him serving custody papers to Olivia on stage at Comic Con was a real dick move.

• Florence Pugh: I love her but I cannot be on Team Sudeikis with her. Her purple Valentino look with the aperol spritz was a vibe, though. Someone on Twitter called her a “quiet quitting icon” and I just think that’s so funny.

• Zach Braff: As a Jersey girl, I’ve never liked Garden State, always thought he was a d-bag, and it always bummed me out that Flo was dating him, because the age gap was icky and she seemed cool and normal, while he seemed skeezy.

• Chris Pine: He just seemed stoned the whole time at Venice, which I certainly can’t hate on. I totally believe the anti-spit theory that he just forgot where his sunglasses were, because we never actually saw spit fly out of Harry’s mouth. And wouldn’t the social media sleuths have caught that by now?

• Nick Kroll: Maybe I’m being delusional, but I have hope that Nick Kroll might be the key to some morsels of information about this drama trickling down to me eventually. God bless the comedy community for being so small. 

As for the movie? I recently saw the trailer (it played before Bodies Bodies Bodies) and it looked really intriguing to me! I love a Stepford Wives-inspired, cult-y, creepy, period piece! But I am afraid, based on this mess and the Rotten Tomatoes rating, that this movie is going to be a big, sad trombone slide. I suppose we shall see.

- A League of Their Own (2022) (Amazon Prime). Gahhh! This show is SO great! And very gay. *cute Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids singing “lesbianssss!”* (are we still enjoying that in 2022?) I only watched the original A League of Their Own (1992) for the first time in the past year or so because a writer friend told me that the sister relationship in that movie was a good comp for a script I was working on. So, while of course I loved the movie, I didn’t have that whole childhood/years-long attachment to it. But I have to say, the new Amazon series based loosely on the movie is so, so good! I am about halfway through it, and it definitely tries to fix a lot of the representation issues with the original, with regards to sexuality and race. I don’t know that it’s 100% successful when it comes to decentering whiteness, but I definitely think it’s worth checking out. Abbi Jacobson, D’Arcy Carden, Chanté Adams, and Roberta Colindrez are all fantastic in it. Take a swing at it! (That’s a baseball joke.)

- Selling the OC (Netflix). I was a little skeptical of this real estate reality spin-off of Selling Sunset, because I am the one person in the country who actually watched all of Selling Tampa, and that was just okay. Also, I couldn’t imagine that the houses they’d be selling down in Orange County could possibly be more fabulous than the multimillion dollar homes in the Hollywood Hills they usually list on Selling Sunset. And you know what? I was wrong! This show is stupid and fun! The houses are insane, and all along the coast, so they all have stunning views! And the drama is just at the level of being interesting without getting depressing. There are three women named Alex, and one of them (Alex Hall) is the most annoying person on the show, truly a victim of main character syndrome. The other two Alexes (Alex Jarvis and Alex Rose) are besties, and, from the beginning of the show, we’re supposed to think they’re villains, but I watched the whole season and I think I’m actually on their side? I don’t think they’ve done anything to make themselves villains besides maybe being a little unfriendly in the office. And if it’s a crime to not be chatty at work all the time, I know a lot of us are getting locked up! If you watched the show, whose team are you on?

- Chris Cornell. In my typical eclectic way, I have moved on from yacht rock AND Beyoncé to listening mainly to Audioslave and Soundgarden. A week or so ago, I was in the Starbucks drive-thru line listening to KROQ, our local rock radio station, and it was some silly morning show where they were going to do whip-its on air because whipped cream had just been banned in New York for under 21s. That’s neither here nor there–the point is, during a break, they played Audioslave’s “Like a Stone,” and honey, I was blown. The fuck. Away. That song cuts so deep! Ever since then, I’ve been listening to many a song sung by the late great Mr. Chris Cornell. One thing I love about him as a singer is how willing he seems to stretch his voice to almost punishing places, sometimes even from the very first notes of a song, like “Burden In My Hand” or “Pretty Noose.” It’s of course very tragic that he chose to pass away at a relatively young age. Whenever someone does that, I can’t help but feel abandoned. Like, you just left all the rest of us on this suffering planet to carry on? Dick move, in my opinion. (I know depression is much more complicated than that, but still.)

- I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy. I’m about halfway through this child actor memoir, and it is so good and so devastating. Jennette McCurdy is perhaps best known for playing Sam on the Nickelodeon show iCarly, which premiered while I was in college, so I was way too old for it, but I find her story fascinating nonetheless. Her mother was a narcissist who became obsessed with launching her daughter’s acting career, even though Jennette never really even enjoyed acting, and she holds back nothing. As someone who lives in Los Angeles and works in the entertainment industry, this book was so illuminating to me. One time, a guy in my improv class mentioned that he was taking his toddler daughter to an audition, and I just remember thinking, aw, man, that’s such a bummer. Like, does she even know, at that age, what acting is? Is she even able to express that she wants to act? I mean, clearly, he had his own acting ambitions, which is never what you want to see in a stage parent. The book does get into emotional and sexual abuse, alcohol abuse, lots of disordered eating, and the loss of her mother (obviously), so if any of those are no-go’s for you right now, maybe put a pin in this one. But if those aren’t deal-breakers for you, it’s a really terrific book.

- One/Size Cheek Clapper 3D Blush Trio in Fire Starter. I really wanted to love this blush palette. The packaging is cool and substantial (and millennial pink!), I love a red blush and an orangey/coral blush, and I like that the cream blush element is separated from the powders with a little window (so smart!). All that said–I have worn and layered these blushes on multiple occasions, and the color just won’t stay on my face for more than a few hours! I have oily skin, but still: damn! Who the fuck wants to have to reapply blush halfway through the day? Not me!

I do have a great alternative for you, though. Trixie Cosmetics (founded by beloved drag queen Trixie Mattel) has a gorgeous red and orange/coral blush palette called Mod About You that is actually $8 cheaper than the One/Size palette! The shades are lovely and super pigmented (watch yourself), and you won’t have to touch up your blush in the middle of the day. I highly recommend it!

- Mooncat nail polish. My infernal Instagram ads got me once again when they introduced me to this indie nail polish brand, which has sparkly glitters, shifty duochromes, dazzling holographics, and many more LOUD types of nail polish that generally make me very happy. I’ve bought a couple of different shades from them, and I really like their formula, it lasts a long time. I think my favorite polish that I picked up is A Midsummer’s Dream, which is a pale pink with a gorgeous sky blue shift. It’s just stunning in person. They’re a little pricey ($14 on average), but they’re really special.

- The Makeup Revolution x Clueless collab. Oh, this one got me good, y’all. Clueless is one of my favorite movies of all time, and everything in this Makeup Revolution collab is so cute and so affordable! Well, that is, it’s affordable until you add every single item to your cart, and then it gets less so. I am not proud to say this but I always try to be honest with you, so: I bought 16 out of 20 of the items in this collab. I know!! I know. You can watch me unbox them in my Instagram highlight, if you missed out on that last Monday. I’m very excited to play around with all of it.

- Snacklins. Everybody take a shot or X your bingo card, because I’m about to mention Imperfect Foods again. That is where I discovered these airy, savory, extremely low-calorie veggie chips that have the texture of pork rinds, but are 100% vegan. I’m obsessed!!! I have had the BBQ flavor and the Chesapeake flavor (which is basically just seasoned with Old Bay), and they’re both delicious. Apparently, if you can’t find a store near you that carries them, you can get them from Amazon US, Amazon CA, Fresh Direct, or through the Snacklins website. They are perfect for when you want a savory treat but don’t want anything heavy.

- Cooking. I’ve had such a cooking fail since the last time I talked to you! I tried to make a peach and blueberry crumble to celebrate it being summer stone fruit and berry season, but my crumble never crumbled and the fruit ended up all soupy! The flavors were still there, but I think texture is such an important part of cooking and eating, don’t you? I think my mistake was that I didn’t feel like dirtying up the food processor to make my crumble, so I tried to mix in the butter by hand, but it just wasn’t mixed enough. I also didn’t peel my peaches because that sounded super messy, but maybe that would’ve rid me of some of the juices that got released in cooking. Who knows? We still ate some of it, me with vanilla ice cream, but it was not my best, to say the least.

Something that did work out was when I made St. Louis BBQ pork ribs in the slow cooker last weekend. Imperfect Foods had ribs on sale, and I’ve never made ribs before, so I decided to give it a whirl. I was half-skeptical going into this endeavor, because I knew that eight hours in the slow cooker would definitely have the meat falling off the bone, but would it be too stewed to be satisfying? They turned out great, and I didn’t even have to run them under the broiler like that recipe recommends (it was 100 degrees out, there was no way I was turning my oven on). I served them with some sweet potato mash and a vegetarian succotash made with fresh sweet corn, frozen lima beans, red onion, red bell pepper, zucchini, grape tomatoes, purple garlic, dried basil, and butter. I definitely recommend making a succotash while corn is in season, it’s such a nice, summery side dish. A lot of people use bacon in theirs, but I don’t think it needs it.

Alright friends, that’s enough from me. My goodness, how I do carry on!

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Until next time—stay cool.

Love,

Liz

XOXO